Austin Powers: Goldmember

Well it's time to wrap up the Austin Powers trilogy with it's last installment: Goldmember. The last 2 movies were clever, witty, and above all, funny. So the 3rd movie followed in their footsteps right? Well, let's get the facts out of the way first.

Released in 2002, directed for the 3rd time by Jay Roach, and written once again by Myers and McCullers, with Myers reprising his 3 roles from the previous film, as well as adding another one. It also features Beyonce Knowles, Michael Caine, and a wealth of cameos. Rather than being a spy-movie spoof, it's more of a self-reverential family saga. Is it as bad as it sounds? Not quite, but it's by far the weakest of the 3, so let's see why.

The movie opens with Austin having a movie made about him, created by lowly director Steven Spielberg, and featuring equally lowly actors such as Tom Cruise, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kevin Spacey and Danny DeVito. While that's going on, Dr. Evil is revealing his 3rd absurd world domination scheme  He plans to travel into the past and bring back another villain named Goldmember (Myers, of course), who developed a fusion unit for a tractor beam that Evil plans to use to pull a meteor into the Earths polar ice caps, flooding the world. But before you can say 'No Mr. Bond I expect you to die', Austin and the Secret Service break in and arrest the entire gang.

Remember how at the end of the first film the Queen announced that Austin would be knighted? Well she finally gets round to it in this one, but Austin is bummed to discover that his father Nigel (Caine) has not attended the ceremony. Basil Exposition shows up at his knighthood party to inform Austin that Nigel has been kidnapped, and after discovering his whereabouts from Dr Evil (!?!?), Austin travels back to the 60s to rescue him. While there, he comes across an undercover FBI agent named Foxxy Cleopatra (Knowles), and with help from her and his reluctant, uncaring father, they trying and put a stop to Dr. Evil's latest scheme.

As a conclusion to the trilogy, it ties up the lose ends (even ones we didn't even know existed), but as a comedy film, it falls pretty flat. The spy references are few and far between, the humour is weak and at times very forced, the dysfunctional family element detracts from what should be the real focus, the evil plan, and it really doesn't do anything new. Knowles doesn't do a terrible job, but much like Penelope Cruz in the 4th Pirates Of The Caribbean film, she's just there to look hot. Fat Bastard appears again, but he's given little to to do, and only a few poor jokes to deliver. Goldmember, the movies title character, has little screen time, and leaves virtually no impact or impression, he's more a plot device. He doesn't even appear on the poster for Heaven sake!

Overall, it's not a terrible movie, it's just not an especially impressive one. I did laugh pretty hard at some of the jokes, such as DeVito as Mini Me, but mostly it's just Knowles looking hot or Austin and Nigel going through their father-son melodrama. Apparently there's going to be a 4th film in the series, and all I can say is, if it's going to be as unnecessary as this one, let's just hope it's 100 times funnier.

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

After such a funny and iconic first movie, it was always going to be hard to do a follow up. But with Mike Myers handling the screen play (alongside Michael McCullers of Saturday Night Live) once again, we get one of those rare a sequels that lives up to it's predecessor. I present to you, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me.

Released in 1999, and once again starring Mike Myers (now in 3 roles rather than 2) alongside new entries Heather Graham and Verne Troyer. Much in the same vein of the first movie, it's about our charismatic hero and attractive heroine trying to to defeat the villain who has, naturally, a diabolical scheme. While having an almost identical story-line as the original, it also has it's charm and wit, and that makes for a great follow-up, so let's dive in.

Following their victory over Dr. Evil in the last film, Austin and Vanessa are happily married and enjoying their honeymoon. But things goes awry when Vanessa turns out to be a homicidal robot programmed to kill him. After she self-destructs, Austin laments upon her loss (a reference to On Her Majesty's Secret Service), but then realizes that he is once again bachelor, and free to indulge in his swinging lifestyle as before.

After return to the Earth from a second spate of cryogenesis, Dr. Evil and his organisation have now established their headquarters in Starbucks in Seattle. His cohorts inform him that they have created a clone of him, who is identical to him in every way, aside from being 1/8th his size, dubbed Mini-Me (Troyer). Following this, Dr. Evil is quick to unveil his newest scheme: To defeat Austin Powers with a Time Machine. Scott's sensible suggestion of using the Machine to travel back in time and kill Powers when he is vulnerable is, of course, dismissed for one infinitely more fatuous. Dr. Evil means to steal Austin Powers 'Mojo', the loss of which will render Powers ultimately powerless.

To steal Powers' Mojo, Evil uses a disgruntled, corpulent Scottish stereotype named 'Fat Bastard' (Myers), who, back in time when Powers was frozen, steals his Mojo, effectively putting Powers out of action. While this is going on, Dr. Evil travels back to the 60s to collect the Mojo, and to see his new base, a hollowed-out Volcano. Did I mention that he's evil?

To help Powers in his mission to stop Dr. Evil once again trying to extort $100,000,000,000 from the World Government, Austin works with another agent named Felicity Shagwell (Graham), who, unfortunately has the hots for our newly impotent hero.

Staying true to the Bond spoofing formula, we get much the same as the first movie. All the dumb plans, unnecessary speeches, provocatively named female characters, it's all here, but what makes this movie work is it's jokes. It's got a lot of great gags, a lot of which revolve round Fat Bastard, who just cracks me up. His constant anger, thick accent, and fervent believe that he is highly desirable all add up to a very memorable character. If I had to pick 1 thing that I really don't enjoy, it would be the character of Mini-Me. I think the movie could've worked just as well, if not better, without him. He's just annoying, especially the squeaky noise he always make.

But that aside, I always enjoy watching this film. You can put it on anytime and it'll put a big smile on your face. Will the next film make it 3 out of 3? Tune in next week to find out.

Austin Powers: International Man Of Mystery

I love spoof movies. The Naked Gun series, Airplane, Hot Shots, all of which follow a simple formula: Using intelligence to create a stupid movie. You have to be clever to make a film that is so wonderfully dumb, a fact that many movie-makers neglect these days. So to celebrate the glorious world of facetious films, I'm going to look a Spoof Movie trilogy, The Austin Power series, beginning with the first film, International Man of Mystery.

Directed by Jay Roach (who also directed the Meet The Parents series), released in 1997, and starring Mike Myers (who also wrote the screenplay), Liz Hurley, Michael York, Robert Wagner and Seth Green. The film and it's sequels are a spoof of spy films, predominantly the early James Bond movies, which satirizes the silly elements that we came to love about them. One of the funniest movies of the 90's, it deserves all the credit it has garnered over the years, so let's see why.

The movie opens in London, where the Swinging 60s are in full, eh, swing. Here we come across British spy Austin Powers (Myers), and his arch-nemesis Dr. Evil (also Myers). With help from British Intelligence Agent Basil Exposition (York), he tracks Dr. Evil to a nightclub, where Evil escapes inside a Rocket disguised as a 'Big Boy' statue, cryogenically freezing himself in the process. In the event that he should return, Austin volunteers to have himself frozen as well.

We then cut to 1997, where Dr. Evil has come back to Earth, and has been concocting, of course, a dastardly scheme. With the help of his number 2 man, Number 2 (Wagner) and several unscrupulous henchmen, they plan to threaten the world with a Nuclear Warhead, and ransom the World's Governments for $100,000,000,000. But he also has the issue of bonding with his rebellious teenage son Scott (Green), who was created from his frozen semen while he was in cryogenesis.

With Austin out of frozen stasis and ready to pursue Dr. Evil once again, he is assigned a partner to help him in his quest, and to help him acclimatize to the 90s, Vanessa Kensington (Hurley), the daughter of Austin's partner in the 60s. Together, Austin and Vanessa attempt to foil Evil's plans, but our villain is not prepared to go down so easily.

Yep, it's a comical look at classic Bond movies from the 60s and 70s. A super-evil villain wants to achieve supreme power, and it's up to our suave, sweet-talking hero to stop him, all the while trying to charm his astoundingly beautiful partner, although in this movie she has a normal name.

The majority of the humour that comes from the film is based around the cliches and laughable aspects that we all remember from those movies, usually revolving around the villains. Ridiculous schemes, dumb henchmen, silly names, maniacal laughter, long speeches, and best of all, the methods by which they try to kill the heroes. Sharks, laser traps, burning alive, drowning, the list goes on. This film, of course, takes full advantage of all of these. As a satire, it's pretty close to perfect. The jokes, the deadpan performances, the progression of Dr. Evils plan, and do I even have to mention the catchphrases: 'Yeah baby', 'Oh behave', 'One million dollars', you all know them and you all love them.

Nothing much else to say really. One of the best spoofs, one of the best comedies, and one of the most endearing films ever made. I would say check it out, but I know you already have.

Hard Boiled

Well, it's been a roller coaster ride, but we've safely reached the end of John Woo Month, and as with my other special months, I've saved the best till last. You thought the previous 3 films were off the chain, well they have nothing on this one. Not just one of Woo's best action films, but one of the best action films in general. It's the moment you've been waiting for, so I'm going to save you the suspense. This, is Hard Boiled.

Released in 1992, Woo's final Hong Kong film before transferring to Hollywood, and starring screen legend Chow Yun-Fat alongside Tony Yeung and Anthony Wong, Hard Boiled follows a Hong Kong cop and his vendetta against a local crime syndicate. If you combine all of the violence perpetrated in the other films I've looked at this month, it wouldn't amount to half the carnage we see in this one. Are you ready? I sure hope so, cos we're diving right in.

This action-packed movie opens, like all actions-packed movies do, in a tea shop. Here we come across our hero, Inspector Yeun a.k.a., Tequila, and his partner, who are attempting to bust a group of drug smugglers. Unfortunately, things don't go smoothly, and during an epic gun fight Tequila's partner is killed. Slightly peeved by this, Tequila becomes determined to take down the gang to avenge his fallen comrade.

We discover that a crime syndicate run by a man named Johnny Wong (Wong, surprisingly) is keen to recruit Triad rookie Tony (Yeung). After another epic gunfight at an arms warehouse, Tony turns against his former employer and joins Wong's gang. During the battle, Tequila and Tony meet for the first time.

After discovering that Tony is an undercover Cop, Tequila decides to secretly team up with him and locate the site of Wong's hidden arsenal before he can reek all kinds of havoc with it. This results in, of course, several more epic gunfights.

Remember last year when I reviewed Plan 9 From Outer Space, and how I said I laughed at it more than I had laughed at some actual comedies, well the same applies here. This is one of the most gratuitously violent and chaotic movies I've ever seen. The action scenes are protracted, the story is non-nonsensical, 90% of the characters are just there to die, and it stretches the audience's suspense of disbelieve to breaking point; and I absolutely love it. By far my favourite Woo movie. It's the excessiveness that makes it so watchable, I roll over laughing at it everytime. It's a sheer delight to witness destruction on such an unbelievable level, and evokes a kind of desire to be in such as situation yourself, gunning down a million bad guys left, right and centre; making everything explode simply by firing a gun that, mysteriously, you never seem to have to reload. You know those video game cheat codes that gave you unlimited ammunition, and how every gunfighter in movie history seemed to have that luxury in an intense situation? Well on the DVD case is a quote which informs us that Tequila 'never reloads and never misses'. Oh yes, this movie acknowledges the fact that our protagonist will never run out of bullets. How cool is that?

Thank you all for reading, I hope you enjoyed John Woo Month, and now you have a chance to relax and let the dust settle. As always, normal service resumed next week.

Hard Target

While the previous 2 movies of John Woo Month focused mostly on gun fights, today's films is also geared more towards martial arts. Woo's first American film, and the first major Hollywood film by a Chinese director: Hard Target.

Released in 1993, and starring John-Claude Van Damme, Lance Henriksen, Yancy Butler and Arnold Vosloo, Hard Target follows a distraught daughter trying to unravel the mystery behind her fathers death in New Orleans. While not his most successful film at the box office or with critics, it has all the Woo trademarks, and as his first big film released outside of his native China, is deserves it's acknowledgement.

The movie opens with a man named Douglas Binder, a homeless veteran, on the run from a group of mercenaries led by Emil Fouchon (Henrikson) and his lieutenant Pik Van Cleaf (Vosloo). They run a criminal organisation in which, for a considerable sum of money, they find destitute individuals who them and their clients hunt for sport. To make their chases more interesting, they only hunt men with military experience.

After a challenging pursuit, Binder is killed, and forgotten about as soon as all of their other prey. But unbeknownst to them, Binder has a daughter named Natasha (Butler), who has traveled to New Orleans to find him. To aid her in her search, she hires the services of a homeless man with incredible martial arts skills, and suspiciously clean and neat hair and clothing despite being out on the streets.

The man in question, Chance Boudreaux (Van Damme), helps Natasha in her search, discovering that Binder was roped into the hunting game while handing out flyers for a seedy recruiter named Randal. Upon confronting Randal, Chance discovers the existence of the mercenaries, and in doing so, incurs their wrath, resulting in him becoming, unwittingly, their next target.

Of all the Woo films I've seen, it's definitely one of his weaker efforts. The plot is paper-thin and the writing is poor, even by his standards. Also it suffers from, big shock, some below-par acting by Van Damme. But let's face it, like his other movies, he's there to do what he does best, kick profound amounts of ass. This is where the movie naturally excels, it's action scenes. As well as all the usual shoot-outs and chases (including a rather spectacular one on motorcycles), we get a few great Kung Fu scenes, such as Natasha and Chance's first encounter. But by far the best part of the film is the climax, where Van Damme is outnumbered and cornered in an abandoned warehouse. This has some of Woo's best choreographed and most entertaining violence. One of his most gratuitous shoot-outs, and also one of his best.

So, yeah, its dumb, it's over-the-top, it makes little sense, but it's always a ton of fun to watch. Is it his best film? No. So what is? Well I can't really decide. But what I can decide on is his most unhinged and, for lack of a better term, Wooest. Tune in next week to find out which one it is.

Face/Off

The second review of John Woo Month, and the second appearance of John Travolta. Throughout his career he's played goodies (Pulp Fiction, Grease) and baddies (Swordfish, The Punisher), but in today's film, he get the chance to play both. It's one of Woo's most financially and critically successful cinematic escapades, Face/Off.

Released in 1997 and starring Travolta alongside Nicolas Cage, Joan Allen and Alessandro Nivola, Face/Off tells the story of an FBI agent attempting to foil a terrorist's plans to blow up Los Angeles by switching identities with him. One of Woo's smartest, slickest and all round most impressive films, as well as one of his highest grossing, it never ever fails to impress.

The film open with our 2 main characters, FBI agent Sean Archer (Travolta) and international terrorist Castor Troy (Cage), the latter planning to assassinate the former at a fairground. Unfortunately, Troy's bullet does not kill Archer, instead taking the life of Archer's beloved son Michael.

Cut to some years later, and we discover that Archer has an understandably personal vendetta against Troy, who has planted a bomb somewhere in Downtown L.A. Archer discovers that Troys younger sibling Pollux (Nivola) has chartered a private jet. With a unique knowledge of Troy and his habits, Archers know that Pollux would not be making such a move without his big brother, and as such, plans to ensnare him before takeoff. After a shoot-out in which lots of things explode in slow motion, Archer captures Troy and Pollux. Sadly, the former is in a coma and the latter will not divulge the location of the bomb.

Desperate for answers, considering they have no idea how long they have before detonation, Archer agrees to an experimental surgical procedure in which he literally switches faces with Troy, and enters the jail in which Pollux is incarcerated in order to talk the bomb's location out of him.

Thing would progress smoothly from here, where it not for Troy miraculously waking from his coma, taking Archers face, assuming his identity, and reeking all kinds of havoc upon the city.

                                'You think Seasons Of The Witch was painful, I was in Old Dogs!'

Most of Woo's flicks are pretty straight forward, but this one is a notable exception. In fact, I'd go as far as to say it's actually fairly complex. Having our lead characters switching identities and exploring each others lives, interacting with each others families and their everyday activities is very interesting and gives the movie a level of depth that we don't often see in Woo's flicks. Travolta & Cage are given the ability to explore both characters, giving us both silly and serious sides of their acting talents. I especially love when Travolta tells Pollux how ridiculous his hair and chin is.

The action scenes, as you would expect, are incredible. Gun fights, prison breaks, boat chases, all of which are handled with style and competence by our talented director, who clearly loves every minute of it. As a result, we get a film that we love too. One of Woo's best, no doubt about. Fast paced, unique, complex but always with that notion that a fight scene is just round the corner, it continues to be one of my favourites.

Broken Arrow

Dear readers, welcome to the moment you have all been waiting for. Everything you've seen on my blog has been building up to this. So strap yourself in, grab a beer, put on your sunglasses, kick back, and prepare your minds for an orgy of excessivness. You thought 'Schwarzenegger Month' was the final word in non-stop action, you ain't seen nothing yet. Ladies & Gentlemen, get ready for John Woo month!

Yep, you all know him, and you all love him. You may act like you don't, but when you want an action film that blows each and every one of your senses, there is no one quite like Woo. So to celebrate this Cinematic icon, I'm going to look at 4 of his films this month, beginning with Broken Arrow.

Released in 1996, and starring John Travolta (pre-Battlefield Earth), Christian Slater (pre-Alone In The Dark) and Samantha Mathis (post-Super Mario Brothers), the movie follows an attempt by an Air Force Pilot to steal 2 nuclear weapons in order to blackmail the Government. It's everything you'd expect from Mr Woo. Plenty of action, plenty of explosions, plenty of gunfights. Sanity or rationale plays little part in this flick, and that's exactly what we want. Let's dive right in.

The movie opens with a boxing match between our 2 main characters, Victor Deakins (Travolta), and Riley Hale (Slater), 2 American Air Force Pilots who are assigned a highly confidential mission: Fly a new-model Stealth Bomber with 2 nuclear weapons on board. After some banter, Deakins attempts to shoot Hale, resulting in a struggle. Deakins jettisons the warheads, ejects from the plane, and leaves Hale for dead.

This situation results in a 'Broken Arrow', wherein nuclear weapons are reported missing. As you would expect, a crack team is sent in to retrieve them. But, as you also would expect, they are all killed by Deacon and his group of cronies, who are hoping to use the threat of a nuclear explosive to extort money from the Government.

Hale meanwhile, very much alive, is discovered by Park Ranger Terry Carmichael (Mathis), and convinces her to help find recover the warhead before Deakins can carry out his evil plans.

Yep, pretty basic set-up. Bad guy wants to perpetrate carnage, good guy has to stop him. But as usual, Woo takes full advantage of it, ensuring that not a single second of the film is dull or uninteresting. If there's one thing Woo is good with, it's generously filling his movies with gratuity. Our 2 leads share some enjoyable dialogue, Travolta is likeably over the top as the villain, and while it's light on coherence, it's heavy on action, & as I said earlier, that's exactly what we want to see here.

More John Woo movies on the way.