Human Traffic

If you mentioned John Simm to anyone who has heard of him, they will probably most closely associate him with Life On Mars. But over 10 years ago, after his 1995 movie breakout role in Boston Kickout, he starred in the 1999 independent cult movie hit Human Traffic, a film about, life, love, partying and heavy indulgence.

Written and directed by Justin Kerrigan, Human Traffic stars John Simm, Lorraine Pilkington, Shaun Parkes, Danny Dyer and Nicola Reynolds. The film revolves around 5 close friends as they enjoy a drink-and-drug-fuelled Friday night out in Cardiff. It explores the connections, relationships and conflicts that arise and develop over the course of the weekend. There's so many things to enjoy in this film, so let's not waste any time.

The start of the film introduces our central characters, and is narrated by Jip (Simm), the main character. He's depressed with his mundane, uneventful job, and the fact that he has had little sexual success as of late.
Koop (Parkes) is a record store retailer who is increasingly jealous of his promiscuous girlfriend Nina (Reynolds). She is annoyed because, after screwing up a college interview, she is forced to work in a fast food outlet where she is constantly harassed by her slimy boss.
Lulu (Pilkington) has become tired of relationships with men since the last 3 she dated cheated on her.
Moff (Dyer), the newest member of the group, lives at home with his oppressive dad, and makes money for the weekend by selling small amounts of cannabis.

The films follows their day-to-day lives, including Nina quitting her job, Lulu dumping her 3rd philandering boyfriend, Jip being approached by one of the women he 'failed to satisfy', Koop visiting his dad in a mental hospital, and Moff being hassled by his dad for being unemployed for such a long time.

When the weekend finally arrives, the group meet up in a nearby bar, bring Nina's brother Lee, so he can try Ecstasy for the first time. They head to a club called The Asylum, where they all 'drop' E, and enjoy the music. After the club, they all head to a massive house party, where events take an unusual and unfortunate turn after everyone is hit with a drug 'come down'.

This movie is like a journey, told through the eyes of an idealistic, fun-lover who just wants to go out with his friends and embrace the excess and exuberance of youth. It's a film that someone manages to encapsulate the spirit and feelings of an entire generation: Rebellion, alienation, angst, and the love of freedom and hedonism, kind of a like a movie rendition of 'The Catcher In The Rye'. We get such a great insight into the lives of these people, and how they just try to get a long and enjoy life, even when things never seem to be in their favour. On top of that, the movie has the music, the atmosphere, the vibe, all the elements that culminate in what 1 critic called "The last great film of the nineties".

Jumanji

Robin Williams is, undoubtedly, a great actor. Good Morning Vietnam, Good Will Hunting, Mrs. Doubtfire, all great films that showcased not only his comedic talent, but also allowed him, in certain scenes, to reveal his serious side, and connect emotionally with the audience. Well another classic film in which we get the Robin Williams Yin and Yang is his mid-nineties supernatural romp Jumanji.

Under the direction of Joe Johnston (Honey, I Shrunk The Kids, Captain America: The First Avenger), Jumanji was released in 1995 and was met with almost perfectly average reviews, but was a box office success. It stars, of course, Robin Williams, alongside, Bonnie Hunt, Kirsten Dunst and Bradley Pierce. The story follows a board game that has serious repercussions on the people who play it and the world around them. It's immersive, well-paced, has an authentic feel, and is a hell of a lot of fun.

The movie opens in 1869, where 2 boys bury a chest, hoping that no one will ever find it. But, would you believe it, exactly a hundred years later the chest is found by a young boy named Alan Parrish, the son of a shoe factory owner. Inside the chest he finds a board game called Jumanji, which he decides to play with his friend Sarah Whittle. They both notice the game's strange behaviour, such as the pieces moving on their own, and cryptic messages appearing after each turn. After Alan's turn, he is pulled into the game, and Sarah flees in terror.

26 years later, 2 kids called Judy (Dunst) and Peter (Pierce) and their Aunt Nora move into the Parrish house. Judy and Peter discover the Jumanji game in the attic and start playing, soon realizing that every move they make unleashes something dangerous into the world. When Peter rolls a 5, Alan is released form the board game, where he been trapped in the jungle for over 2 decades. According to the game, the only way to restore everything is by completing it. Alan is initially reluctant, but is eventually coaxed into co-operating. Unfortunately, 1 more player is required to finish it, Sarah Whittle. Upon seeing the game, she freaks out, stating that it pretty much destroyed her life. But eventually, the four of them unite to complete Jumanji. This leads to riots, monsoons, wild hunters, poisonous plants, killer spiders, crocodiles and earthquakes.

What a film! I don't think there is a single boring moment in it. It keeps you hooked from the opening scene, right up till its climax. With more and more terrors emerging from the game the action and suspence increases exponentially.

Robin Williams gives a great performance as the protagonist forced to confront his greatest fears, and Bonnie Hunt is a great supporting actress, having witnessed Alan being sucked into the game and being forced to complete it to make all the horrors go away. The kids Judy and Peter are great too, mainly because they don't whine and complain like most children do in films like this, and they play an intergral part in the story, they're not just there to look cute.

If, like me, you grew up in the nineties, you would almost certainly have seen this film. If not, you have to. It's funny, exciting, investing and is just as enjoyable every time you see it. Miss at your peril.

Idle Hands

I'm going to open this review with a question: Have you ever heard of Devon Sawa? Probably not. But have you ever seen him. Probably. He was the human form of Casper in the eponymous movie, Alex Browning in Final Destination, and played Stan in Eminem's music video of the same name. Yet in 1999, he appeared in one of his most famous roles, a film called Idle Hands, which almost nobody seemed to notice. Well, the truth it is, underrated films are often pretty damn good, and this one is no exception.

Directed by Rodman Flender (The Unborn), and starring Devo Sawa, Jessica Alba, Seth Green, Elden Hensen and Vivica A. Fox, Idle Hands tells the story of a teen whose right hand becomes possessed by a demon that forces him to kill as many people as possible, before dragging a soul down to Hell. But please don't let that morosity put you off, it's very tongue-in-cheek.

The story begins with Mr. and Mrs. Tobias, the parents of our main character, getting killed after seeing a message on their ceiling. We then meet our hero, Anton (Sawa), a lazy stoner who spends all of his time flunking out of school to smoke weed, watching TV and hanging out with his equally sedentary friends Pnub (Hensen) and Mick (Green). They inform Anton that several people have been murdered in the last few days, and that, coincidentally, Anton has not seen his parents recently. During this scene, he notices the girl who lives across from him, Molly (Alba), dropping her lyrics book, so he awkwardly tries to return it to her.

Upon discovering that his parents are dead, Anton also finds out that he is responsible, but before he can do anything about it, his right hand attacks and kills both Pnub & Mick. But they don't stay deceased for long, and come back as the undead, since they were too lazy to approach the white light at the end of the tunnel. No, that's no a joke, it's literally the explanation they give.

We then meet Debi LeCure (Fox), a priestess that has sworn to fight the evil that has apparently possessed Anton's hand. She tracks Anton down, and tells him exactly what has happened to him, and how little time they have to stop it.

                                                           One of those morning huh?

It's not what you'd call a spectacular movie, or even a great movie. It's a pretty rudimentary stoner comedy. I enjoy the funny twist they put on what other films would portray as a very serious supernatural phenomenon. It also has very lovable characters, especially our layabout hero, who tries so hard to have the most idyllic and eventless life that we can't bear to see him get up off the couch, let alone fight an evil, homicidal power.

One of the most surreal additions to the film is the school band who play at the Halloween dance, who just so happen to be The Offspring, one of my favourite bands. They play their own song 'Beheaded' and a cover of The Ramones song 'I Wanna Be Sedated'. Both great songs, but the best part comes when Anton interrupts their performance to warn everyone about the hand. Dexter, the bands lead singer, shoves him aside, recites a single line, then gets graphically scalped by the hand. It's a hilarious moment, just a shame that his 1 line is about as a hammy a recital as you would expect from a non-actor.

But I'm digressing. Idle Hands is a very enjoyable flick. Like any stone comedy, it's easy to watch, and easy to like. Nothing more, nothing less.

East Is East

Racial differences can be a very touchy subject, one that people tend to give a wide berth to. Today's film deals with this issue, an pulls it off in a light-hearted and funny yet also deep and often shocking manner. It's the BAFTA Award-winning movie East Is East.

Directed by Dominic O'Donnell (Heartlands, Inside I'm Dancing), East Is East tells the story of the Khan family, living in Salford in 1971. The family consists of a Pakistani father and an English mother, and their biracial children. The film follows the family as the contrasting ethnicities within the household cause increasing tension between family members, especially between the father and the others. The film stars Om Puri, Linda Bassett, Jimi Mistry, and Raji James amongst others. So let's see what this movie is all about.

The movie opens with the arranged marriage of George Khan's (Puri) eldest son Nazir, who appears uncomfortable with the set-up, and his father's insistence that he is proud of him adds further pressure. With the entire family dressed and prepared for the Muslim wedding, Nazir, unable to go through with the ceremony, runs away, much to the shame and embarrassment of his father, who swiftly disowns him.

Some time later, George is further distressed to find that Sajid, his youngest son, has not been circumcised, as is traditional in Muslim culture.  Not wanting to make a big fuss, Sajid's mother Ella (Bassett) agrees, simply to placate George. But afterwards, she wonders if she should have stood up for herself and the children, who often behave in a manner that George does not agree with. Examples include eating meat, not dressing conservatively and being reluctant to embrace Islam. Deciding that he needs to restore the families 'honour' after Nazir's departure, George meets up with a Muslim family in Bradford, and arranges for his eldest sons Abdul (Raji James) and Tariq (Jimi Mistry) to be wed. The boys are initially unaware of this, but find out later when Sajid overhears George telling Ella about the wedding  negotiations.

From here on, we see George becoming increasingly hostile and domineering as he feels that his family are turning against him. He threatens several of his children verbally, and even physically assaults his wife when she finally stands up to him.

Pretty grim huh? The film depicts how 2 essentially contrasting lifestyles have trouble co-existing under 1 roof. George is determined for his family to be raised under his religious beliefs, but Ella is unsupportive of this idea. She doesn't force her beliefs on the family, she simply wants what is best for her children, and doesn't think that George's oppressive ideology is healthy for their upbringing.

While the film is essentially very serious and relevant with regards to modern society, it has, as I mentioned earlier, some very funny moments, usually revolving around the witty quotes from the children. Even George draws out a smile now and then. What we get is an often facetious but also serious and gritty film dealing with a very real and ever-present issue. I actually found myself hating George at times, and feeling nought but empathy for his long-suffering family. If you get a chance to see it, don't pass it up.

Full Metal Jacket

The movie world has seen countless war films. Lawrence Of Arabia, The Bridge On The River Kwai, The Deer Hunter, Saving Private Ryan, all great films that defined the genre. They were everything a war films should be: Intense, emotional, powerful, and filled with great action scenes. While these are all important, 1 element that is rarely abundant in a war film is humour. But today's movie has more of it than every other war film combined; none other than Stanley Kubrick's Vietnam war saga Full Metal Jacket.

Released in 1987, Full Metal Jacket stars Matthew Modine, R. Lee Ermey, Arliss Howard and Vincent D'Onofrio. Filmed almost entirely in the suburbs of London, the movie follows the dehumanising process that turns men into emotionally removed killers, ready to be dispatched to Vietnam, and their subsequent exploits once they arrive, and are faced with the reality of combat. While it does cover a lot of issues of war such as tragedy, comradeship, moral dilemmas and so on, the reason this movie appeals to me is it's comedic side, let's find out why.

The film opens in the Parris Island Marine Corps. Recruit Depot, where we find a batch of new recruits about to begin their training. Their senior Drill Instructor Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (Ermey, a real-life Drill Instructor) wastes no time in laying into them, shouting insults, screaming commands and endowing them with nicknames, including 2 of our main characters Joker (Modine) and Cowboy (Howard). Hartman puts the recruits through their paces, using his acid-tongue to encourage them and ensure that nobody dares slip up. As his training regime intensifies, the strain begins to show for one of the neophytes, Leonard Lawrence, a.k.a Gomer Pyle (D'Onofrio), an overweight and mentally slow individual, who finds that he can't live up to Hartman's expectations.

Infuriated by Pyle's shortcomings, Hartman pushes Pyle harder and harder, and when he teams him with Joker, he seems to become a model Marine. But Joker believes that Pyle is actually a 'Section 8' ie, mentally defective.

After their training is completed, we cut to Vietnam, where Joker has become a combat correspondent for Star and Stripes, stationed in Da Nang. He and his associate Rafterman are dispatched to Phu Bai after the Tet Offensive, where he meets up with Cowboy, and becomes engaged in combat, witnessing the horrors of war first hand.

                                                     You will not laugh, you will not cry!

Now when I said this film is hilarious, I was actually referring to the first 40-odd minutes, when Hartman is toughening up the recruits. Undoubtedly, Hartman is one of cinemas all-time greatest characters. As I mentioned earlier, Ermey was a Drill Instructor during the Vietnam war, and as such, what we get is not a performance by an actor, but an authentic depiction from a real-life veteran. His performance is so intense, so edgy and yet so hysterical that I simply can't take my eyes off it. Roughly half of his dialogue is ad-libbed, and the rest of it he wrote himself, both extreme rarities for a Kubrick film.

His insults are hilarious, his timing is flawless, and his presence is spectacular. But after his time in the film is done, I'll be honest, I tend to lose interest. The rest of the movie isn't bad, but it just feels like a sub-standard war movie. It's like 2 movies, 1 comedy and 1 war film, spliced together. As a result, it feels quite disjointed. When watching the second half of the film, it's almost as if the first half never occurred at all, which is a real shame.

I won't lie and say that the second part of the movie isn't moving or even affecting, but when you compare it to other Vietnam movies such as Platoon and The Deer Hunter, it feels pretty below par. But the first 40 minutes are a laugh-riot, and leave me in stiches every time. It's a movie on it's own, and it never disappoints.

Plan 9 From Outer Space

And so we come to the final movie of So Bad It's Good September, and I have saved the, ahem, best, for last. My absolute favourite cult bad movie. From visionary director Ed Wood, the one and only Plan 9 From Outer Space.

This movie is often recognised as the worst film ever made. In fact several film authorities, including Golden Turkey Awards, named it as the worst movie of all time. Like Manos, the level of incompetence is just unreal. Wood was undoubtably passionate about the films he made, but the fact is, they were of such bad quality and stitched together so sloppily that all that ever resulted was a horrible and illogical mess. So let's finish off this special month by having a butchers at this timeless train wreck.

Released in 1959 and starring Gregory Walcott, Mona McKinnon, Tor Johnson and Vampira, Plan 9 revolves around an alien attempt to prevent mankind from creating an explosive device that would threaten the entire universe. It also marks the final on-screen appearance of Bela Lugosi, but a LOT more on that later.

Since this film's plot is so fragmented and uncohesive, it's difficult to summarise it here, but I'll give it my best shot. The film opens with 2 grave diggers being killed by the resurrected corpse of a recently deceased woman (Vampira). Meanwhile, Pilot Jeff Trent (Walcott) encounters a flying saucer in the skies above California. He describes it to his wife as being 'shaped like a huge cigar' (even though we clearly see it is round, like a SAUCER). Inspector Clay (Johnson) investigates the graveyard, and is also killed by the undead woman, and is himself brought back as a zombie.

We soon discover that the aliens have initiated 'Plan 9' which involves reanimating the bodies of the recently dead and marching them on the Earth's capital cities. Why? So the people of Earth will finally acknowledge the existence of extra-terrestrials. Yeah, because when I see Zombies, I think Aliens.

As far as the plot goes, that's all you need to know. The aliens want humans to believe they are real, so they take control of an army of Zombies (3 in total) and decide to set them loose on Earth's capital cities. But, in what may be the biggest disappointment in movie history, they never even make it out of the graveyard, let alone out of California. Tor and Vampira just wander around about 10 feet from their graves with expressionless faces. But despite this, everyone seems threatened by them. If any of the characters had the good sense to just stay away from the cemetery, almost all of the films problems would be solved.

                                                    Look mummy, it's a... flying pie tin?!

There are so many things to say about the films I have literally no idea where to start. I hinted earlier about the dubious nature of Bela Lugosi's turn in the film, so I guess I'll start with that. Wood loved Lugosi, and was keen to have him in this flick. Unfortunately, Lugosi died shortly after filming began. Instead of doing what any sensible Director would do and just write him out of the movie, Wood decided to keep him in. He used the very limited footage he already had, as well as recycled footage of Lugosi from the abandoned film 'Tomb Of The Vampire', which, by the way, is repeated about 6 times for no reason whatsoever. With Lugosi gone, Wood hired a replacement, his current wife's chiropractor, a man who in no way resembled Bela. In order to 'disguise' this fact, he held his cape over the lower half of his face. As if this wasn't funny enough, DVD distributors would later release the movie with the words 'Almost Starring Bela Lugosi' on the cover.

On top of that, the special effects are beyond terrible. The UFOs are kids toys suspended by fishing lines, and stock footage is rife throughout the movie. Some scenes were shot with backgound lighting and others without, but sometimes these are put together, making it seem like the time of day is changing repeatedly during a single scene.

But many claim that its the dialogue is where the movie really falls flat. It's bizarre, disjointed, and at times inconsistent. The opening narration highlights this within 60 seconds. The narrator uses phrases such as 'future events such as these' and 'what happened on that fateful day', describing future events in past tense. He also refers to the audience as 'my friends' 4 times in the space of a minute.

And finally we have the issue that Ed Wood became synonymous with, continuity. There's no doubt the man was passionate about movies, he was famous for it. He was also famous for using the first take. This leads to boom mike shadows, characters knocking over props, items changing/appearing/disappearing between shots, characters missing cues, the list is quite simply endless.

Many would say that Plan 9 is the epitome of Wood's enthusiastic ineptitude, and while this may be true, many people, including myself, would say that the film is far too amusing to be deemed 'bad'. In fact, this movie is side-splittingly funny. Absolutely nothing is done well, or even half-well. Direction, editing, dialogue, effects, acting ad infinitum. I couldn't possibly list all the ways this movie makes an idiot of itself, I have other reviews to write. But the truth is, I laughed at this movie more than I've laughed at a lot of comedies, intentionally funny movies. Plan 9 From Outer Space is a catastrophe, a bottomless pit of cinematic shame. But as a piece of art that we can enjoy, it gets me every time.

Verdict: So Bad It's Good? Yes

So I hope you enjoyed 'So Bad It's Good September'. Normal service will be resumed next week.

Manos: The Hands Of Fate

For several years (several decades actually) there was a movie which sat proudly at the top of the IMDB Bottom 100 list. A film so utterly egregious that it was ignored by the box office, plummeted into obscurity, and since being brought back to the public eye, has been dubbed by many as the worst film ever made. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, Manos: The Hands Of Fate.

The story behind today's movie came about when a man named Stirling Silliphant made a bet with another man named Harold P. Warren that he couldn't make an entire movie on his own. Warren, a Fertilizer Salesman from Texas, having no previous experience in cinema, accepted the bet, and set about writing the script, obtaining the equipment and gathering together a cast of amateurs to cobble together Manos: The Hands Of Fate, released in 1966. Back then it was cast aside as a waste of celluloid, today, it is regarded as a cornerstone of pure artistic failure.

As is standard for cinematic travesties, the plot is as thin and unimaginative as they come. A family of 3, Mike (Warren), his wife Margaret (Diane Mahree) and daughter Debbie (Jackney Neyman Jones) are lost on the way to a lodge where they are planning to spend their first family vacation. After driving around for literally 10 minutes of film time, they come across a house in the middle of nowhere, guarded by a guy named Torgo, who carries a large stick and shakes constantly like he has Parkinsons Syndrome. He tells the family that he guards the place 'while The Master is away'. Instead of leaving like reasonable human beings, they decied to stay the night, where a myriad of unusal events take place.

Hello darling!

That's the story in a nutshell. They come across a creepy manor, a creepy guy, a creepy dog, another creepy guy, and some creepy stuff happens. So that must mean this is a seriously creepy film right? Wrong. I've never seen a horror movie that was so unscary. There is no suspence, no haunting atmopshere, and no scares or shocks. For a film billed as 'It's shocking, it's beyond your imagination' it's a complete letdown. Warren handled the directing, the screenplay, the producing and was the main star, and as you would expect, he made a comlete hash of the lot. Allegedly, he would get so stroppy on set and had such a prima donna attitude that cast and crew and crew stared calling the film 'Mangos: The Cans Of Fruit' behind his back.

This movie is basically a comprehensive guide on how NOT to make a movie. The incompotence levels are just off the chart. The camera Warren used couldn't record sound so it had to be added afterwards, with the dialogue being recorded by only 3 people, so when there are several actors on screen, it can be difficult to work out who is talking. John Reynolds, the actor who played Torgo, wore metal rigging on his legs in order to appear like a Satyr, but he wore them backwards, making his performance extremely awkward, not to mention painful. On top of all that, the night scenes were actually filmed at night, without any lighting equipment, so almost nothing can be seen; and Warren clearly didn't appreciate the beauty of the word 'Cut', because a handful of scenes go on, and on, and on, and on. They feel like they are never going to end, which wouldn't be so bad if they actually accomplished anything. But no, they are a complete waste of time and energy.

The list of how this movie fails is pretty much endless, but I really needn't say anymore. Of all the films I have ever seen, this is probably the worst. I've seen films I've hated more. Maybe they were stupider, more boring, more annoying etc, but in terms of quality of filmaking, this is the all-time low.

Verdict: So Bad It's Good? No