Manos: The Hands Of Fate

For several years (several decades actually) there was a movie which sat proudly at the top of the IMDB Bottom 100 list. A film so utterly egregious that it was ignored by the box office, plummeted into obscurity, and since being brought back to the public eye, has been dubbed by many as the worst film ever made. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, Manos: The Hands Of Fate.

The story behind today's movie came about when a man named Stirling Silliphant made a bet with another man named Harold P. Warren that he couldn't make an entire movie on his own. Warren, a Fertilizer Salesman from Texas, having no previous experience in cinema, accepted the bet, and set about writing the script, obtaining the equipment and gathering together a cast of amateurs to cobble together Manos: The Hands Of Fate, released in 1966. Back then it was cast aside as a waste of celluloid, today, it is regarded as a cornerstone of pure artistic failure.

As is standard for cinematic travesties, the plot is as thin and unimaginative as they come. A family of 3, Mike (Warren), his wife Margaret (Diane Mahree) and daughter Debbie (Jackney Neyman Jones) are lost on the way to a lodge where they are planning to spend their first family vacation. After driving around for literally 10 minutes of film time, they come across a house in the middle of nowhere, guarded by a guy named Torgo, who carries a large stick and shakes constantly like he has Parkinsons Syndrome. He tells the family that he guards the place 'while The Master is away'. Instead of leaving like reasonable human beings, they decied to stay the night, where a myriad of unusal events take place.

Hello darling!

That's the story in a nutshell. They come across a creepy manor, a creepy guy, a creepy dog, another creepy guy, and some creepy stuff happens. So that must mean this is a seriously creepy film right? Wrong. I've never seen a horror movie that was so unscary. There is no suspence, no haunting atmopshere, and no scares or shocks. For a film billed as 'It's shocking, it's beyond your imagination' it's a complete letdown. Warren handled the directing, the screenplay, the producing and was the main star, and as you would expect, he made a comlete hash of the lot. Allegedly, he would get so stroppy on set and had such a prima donna attitude that cast and crew and crew stared calling the film 'Mangos: The Cans Of Fruit' behind his back.

This movie is basically a comprehensive guide on how NOT to make a movie. The incompotence levels are just off the chart. The camera Warren used couldn't record sound so it had to be added afterwards, with the dialogue being recorded by only 3 people, so when there are several actors on screen, it can be difficult to work out who is talking. John Reynolds, the actor who played Torgo, wore metal rigging on his legs in order to appear like a Satyr, but he wore them backwards, making his performance extremely awkward, not to mention painful. On top of all that, the night scenes were actually filmed at night, without any lighting equipment, so almost nothing can be seen; and Warren clearly didn't appreciate the beauty of the word 'Cut', because a handful of scenes go on, and on, and on, and on. They feel like they are never going to end, which wouldn't be so bad if they actually accomplished anything. But no, they are a complete waste of time and energy.

The list of how this movie fails is pretty much endless, but I really needn't say anymore. Of all the films I have ever seen, this is probably the worst. I've seen films I've hated more. Maybe they were stupider, more boring, more annoying etc, but in terms of quality of filmaking, this is the all-time low.

Verdict: So Bad It's Good? No