Meet The Parents

Remember when Ben Stiller was funny? Couple of years ago, maybe even a decade? You may remember my review on There's Something About Mary, a movie many regard as his finest work. Before that he had a cameo role in Happy Gilmore, and he was hilarious in that too. But in recent times, he seem to churn out nothing but crap. Night At The Museum, Starsky & Hutch, the Madagascar films and the abysmal sequels Meet The Fockers and Little Fockers. The real shame about the last 2 is that they were terrible follow-ups to a genuinely great film, Meet The Parents, the subject of today's review.

Released in 2000 under the direction of Jay Roach (Austin Powers, The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy), and starring Ben Stiller, Robert De Niro, Teri Polo, Blythe Danner and Owen Wilson, the movie is based on that most apprehensive of events; meeting the in-laws. The occasion is hard enough to get through, even when the father isn't The Deer Hunter! It's one of De Niro's only forays into comedy, and one of Stiller's best.

The movie opens with our main character, a male nurse called Gaylord Focker (Stiller), working up the nerves to propose to his girlfriend Pam (Polo). But upon discovering that Pam's sister has recently got engaged after her finance asked permission from her parents, Gaylord (or Greg as he is referred to) decides to do the same. So the 2 of them fly out so they can attend Pam's sister's wedding, and so that Greg can meet and become acquainted with Pam's parents, so he can ask their permission to marry Pam.

Upon arriving at the Byrnes' family house, Greg meets Pam's mother Dina (Danner) and father Jack (De Niro), who immediately begins to question Greg about his life, career, and even the colour of the rental car he is driving. No matter how much Greg tries to impress them, Jack is not taken with him, and appears increasingly suspicious. After unintentionally making an idiot of himself, Greg discovers, much to his chagrin, that Jack is not in fact a retired flower dealer as he was initially informed, but a former CIA agent.

                                              Yes or no, the sequels to this movie will suck?

Upon meeting more members of the Byrnes family, and Pam's ex-fiance Kevin (Wilson), Greg feels even more alienated, especially as his attempts to fit continue to fall flat on their face. Passing from 1 accidental disaster to another, Jack goes from suspecting Greg, to disliking him, to downright hating him.

Eventually, unable to stand the criticisms and scorn any longer, Greg leaves, feeling that, no matter how much he loves Pam, he can't possible hope to fit in with her tight-knit and unwelcoming family.

This movie succeeds the same way There's Something About Mary did, by having a strong comedic side while also having serious and emotional elements. Greg's situation is so easy to identify with, as it's a situation virtually all of us have been in; being introduced to a group of close friends who view you as an outsider, the subject of rejection and ridicule. Struggling through this proverbial minefield, the jokes we are given are brilliant. The more he tries to fit in, the worse his situation becomes, resulting in funnier and funnier scenarios. It works in all the ways the sequels don't. The second and third movies are nothing but forced humour and jokes based solely on degrading Greg. The jokes about his bizarre name are funny in the first movie, but by the time the sequels came out they had thoroughly worn out their welcome. But we still have, and always will have, the original. The best by a country mile.

Scream

In recent times, horror movies have experienced a drastic shift in in tone and content. Originally, the films were built around creating suspense, building a creepy atmosphere, and ensured that what was most scary were the things you couldn't see, as opposed to the things you could. Examples of this include Alien, Halloween and Friday the 13th. But in the last decade, horror flicks have relied more heavily on graphic blood & gore, basically shock-value and exploitation. Examples include Hostel, Freddy vs. Jason, and pretty much every horror movie remake. But in 1996, a film single-handedly reinvented the horror movie genre, while also satirising it. That movie was Scream.

Directed by Wes Craven (New Nightmare) and starring Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, David Arquette, Matthew Lillard, and Skeet Ulrich. It follows a group of teenagers (doesn't it always) who are stalked by a masked killer known as Ghostface. It's essentially a huge throwback to the old-school horror films of the 70's and 80's, which pays homage to them, while also making fun of what made them so silly and cliched.

The movie is set in the fictional American town of Woodsboro, where we first meet a girl named Casey Becker (Drew Barrymore), home alone, about to watch a movie. She starts receiving phone calls from a mysterious person (a classic urban legend) who, while initially friendly, eventually threatens her and her boyfriend Steve, who is tied to a chair outside. The situation quickly escalates, and both Casey and Steve are brutally murdered.

The townspeople are shaken by the killings, especially Sidney Prescott (Campbell), who is approaching the 1-year anniversary of her mothers murder. Before long, Sidney finds herself on the receiving end of the killer's wrath, who attacks her in her own home. After he disappears, Sid's boyfriend Billy (Ulrich) arrives to console her, but after dropping a cell phone, Sid believes him to be the killer.

Billy is released the following day, and suspicion falls on Sidney's father Neil, since the calls have been tracked to his phone. As a precautionary measure, school is suspended, and a curfew is instated. To celebrate, Stu (Lillard), boyfriend of Sidney best friend Tatum (Rose McGowan), throws a party at his house. To ensure that the party-goers are protected, Deputy Sheriff Dewey (Arquette) attends, accompanied by local reporter Gail Weathers (Cox).

You can probably imagine where it goes from there. All the teenagers in a remote location, with a killer on the loose. You could actually put bets on who will get iced next. But the fact is, if you've seen a slasher flick, it will all be very familiar. But that's the whole idea. The movie was made to pay homage to slasher films while simultaneously making fun of all the cliches they became known for. All throughout the film, the characters discussed how their current predicament can be analysed by looking at existing horror movies, and the patterns that they follow. The film works by mimicking existing scary movies while making one of its own, and a fantastic one at that. There is suspense, tension, a menacing killer, an unknown motive, and a heavier reliance on being scary rather than gory, which is something modern horror films fail to do.

Scream remains one of the best slasher movies ever made. It breathed all new life into a dying genre by pointing out how flawed and unoriginal it had become. It created a film that was chock-full of cliches and simply had fun with. Clever, intense, and always tongue-in-cheek, Scream remains one of cinemas smartest and most self-deprecating piece of work. If you haven't seen it, delay no longer.

Fight Club

If I were to do a list of my 'Top 20 Favourite Movies', it would include some of the movies I have previously reviewed on this blog, such as Leon and V For Vendetta. Well today I'm going to look at another one of my all time favourite films, Fight Club.

Released in 1999 under the direction of acclaimed director David Fincher (The Social Network, Seven) and starring Brad Pitt, Edward Norton and Helena Bonham Carter, Fight Club follows the story of a white collar worker whose life is changed dramatically by violence, rebellion, mayhem and soap. It's one of cinemas finest works, and one of my all time favs.

The movie opens with a rather unsavoury confrontation between our 2 main characters. We then listen to the movies narrator (Norton) recalling how he got to this event. The Narrator (his name in the movie is never mentioned) has chronic insomnia, and leads a monotonous and uneventful life. He begins attending support groups under the false pretence of having various ailments. By venting his emotions within these groups, he is suddenly able to sleep. But when another 'faker', Marla Singer (Carter) begins to attend these groups, the Narrator cannot cry, and once again, loses his ability to sleep.

While returning from one of his many business trips, he meets a man named Tyler Durden (Pitt), a charismatic soap salesman. After their brief encounter, the Narrator gets home to find that his apartment has been destroyed. He calls Tyler, and the 2 meet up in a bar. The Narrator is fascinated by Tyler's philosophies and ideaologies. He thinks that the human race has become a brain-dead rabble of consumers who have no real independence and are driven only by the want of material possessions. After they leave the bar, Tyler makes an unusual proposition:

'I want you to hit me, as hard as you can.'

Before long, the 2 are beating the crap out of one another, with the Narrator feeling that same catharsis that he felt in his support groups.

To introduce other commercial-driven men to the joys of physical violence, our protagonists form  Fight Clubs. Over time this creation develop, with Tyler's desire to bring down the corporations becoming evermore intense.

I won't DARE spoil the ending for you, or the twist, regarded as one of the best in cinema history. As the movie progress we see the development of one of films most complicated relationships, comparable to the likes of Leon. At times our characters seem to be as close as brothers, at others times it's like a huge gaping void has opened up between them. The dialogue is witty, interesting, and at times, very profound. Whether you agree or disagree with Tyler's twisted and often cynical outlook on the modern world and what man has become, there's no denying how well it works in shaping and driving the movies plot, and the motivation of the characters. Carters' Marla Singer is wonderfully crazed, yet shockingly vulnerable, as if the world is crashing down on her, and she is just letting it fall.

I've never been a big fan of glorified violence in films, but in this movie it is actually works. It's integral to the story, and isn't just thrown in for the sake of attracting attention.

Overall, I love this film and all it has to offer. I love the characters, concepts, the way the story develops, and everything we learn along the way. I loved it when I first seen it, and I still love it today. You've almost certainly seen it, but if not, do it now.

Blow

Johnny Depp is, undoubtably, one of the best, most versatile actors of this generation. From bit-parts in films such as A Nightmare On Elm Street and Platoon to super-stardom in movies such as Finding Neverland and the Pirates Of The Caribbean trilogy, he has poured his heart and soul into the movie business for over 25 years. So to celebrate his continuing career in cinema, I have decided to review one of my favourite Depp movies, the 2001 biopic Blow.

Based on the Bruce Porter book, Blow is directed by the late Ted Demme (Beautiful Girls) and stars Johnny Depp, Penélope Cruz, Jordi Molla, Ray Liotta and Paul Reubens. It is based on the life and drug-smuggling career of George Jung, who made approximately $100 million through cocaine trafficking. It's a well directed, well written and superbly acted biography that makes you gasp, laugh, and at times, cry.

The movie opens in Massachusetts, where we find a young George Jung. George idolizes his father (Ray Liotta), who is forced to file for bankruptcy. Vowing never to end up like his parents, grown-up George (Depp) moves to California with his best friend Tuna (Ethan Suplee) hoping for a better life. While there, the pair discover the profitability of selling Marijuana, and are eventually introduced to Derek Foreal (Reubens), the main dealer.

George works out a plan to sell Marijuana to students back in Massachusetts, using George's girlfriend Barbara, an airline stewardess, to deliver the drugs and return with the money. As the demand grows, George starts to buy his Marijuana directly from Mexico. Unfortunately, George is arrested in Chicago with 660 pounds of the drug, and is sentenced to 2 years in jail upon his release, but he skips bail to take care of Barbara, now his fiance, who is suffering from cancer.

While on the run, George visits his parents. His father, while a little uneasy, is happy to see Geroge. His mother, however, calls the police, and George is sent to prison in Connecticut for 26 months. While inside, he meets Diego Delgado (Molla), a man with connections to the Medellín cartel. Together, they form a plan to traffic cocaine into the United States when they have been released. With Diego's cartel friends, and George's connection in California, his old friend Foreal, they being shipping in millions of dollars worth of cocaine from Columbia, becoming 2 of history's most prolific drug traffickers.

                                                                 Can you lend me $20?

From then on, the film follows our money-hungry protagonist as he is caught in webs of deceit, betrayal, domestic conflicts and heartbreak. It's a biopic of one of the criminal world's most interesting characters. All he wanted to do was live his own America dream, and found out that when you're on top of the world, the only way is down, and that getting everything you want comes at the ultimate price.

As usual, Depp gives an great performance, and brings Jung's larger-than-life dynamics to life. I often always found myself sympathising with him, because he's not mean or callous, he's just trying to live life his own way, it just so happens that the profession he chose is illegal. One of the final scenes in the film, where George records a farewell message to his father, is so well directed and beautifully acted that it's one of the few scene that I get chocked-up at every time I see it.

Since seeing the film, I have read the book it is based on, and to be honest, the movie takes a lot of liberties with the truth. Many events are either changed or omitted, some pretty significant events in George's life are altered, and I felt my self empathising with the real Jung much less than the film version, as he pushed his luck way too far, and just never learned his lesson. But the movie is a brilliant insight into Jung's life and business; the high and lows, the deals and the back-stabbings. It's one of my favourite Johnny Depp movies, and in my opinion, one of his most overlooked performances.

The Cannonball Run

Remember Burt Reynolds? That fresh-faced guy from The Longest Yard; that hairy-chested guy from Deliverance, that guy with the cool name and moustache from Smokey & The Bandit. One of the world's most famous actors, like so many others, Burt experienced something of a downfall in his career in the mid to late 80s, and would not be back in the movie limelight until 1997's Boogie Night. But with all that said, when Burt is good, he's great, and today I'm going to review one of his, in my opinion, greatest films. The legendary road movie The Cannonball Run.

Released in 1981 under the direction of former stuntman Hal Needham (Smokey & The Bandit), The Cannonball Run features an all star cast including Burt Reynolds, Dom DeLuise, Farrah Fawcett, Roger Moore, George Furth, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Jr. and many others. The movie is based on the real life

'Cannonball Baker Sea-To-Shining-Sea Memorial Trophy Dash.' It has over-the-top characters, over-the-top jokes, over-the-top stunts, and over-the-top scenarios.It's so crazy it can't possibly be described, but I'm gonna give it a shot anyway.

The movie opens with our main characters, J.J McLure (Reynolds) and Victor Prinzi (DeLuise), 2 mechanics preparing for the upcoming Cannonball Run, which J.J is determined to win. In order to obtain victory they need to find a vehicle that they can drive fast, doesn't look suspicious and, in the case of police trouble, will provide a good cover. After several suggestions, they settle on an ambulance. Other contestants include Jamie Blake (Martin) and Fenderbaum (David, Jr.) who dress as priests and drive a Ferrari, and Seymour Goldfarb Jr, (Moore, parodying his James Bond persona) who drives an Aston Martin, rigged up with Bond-style gadgets.

The contestants gather in Connecticut for the start of the race. With a female patient name Pamela (Fawcett) and a Doctor, Nikolas Van Helsing (Jack Elam), J.J and Victor are ready and raring to go. Unfortunately, a Safety Enforcement Unit representative, Arthur J. Foyt (Furth), finds out about the race and plans to put a stop to it, but with so many Cannonballers on his hands, the odds don't appear to be in his favour.

The film has everything you'd expect from a car movie. High speed driving, crazy stunts, carnage, and a fat man in a superhero costume. Added together, you get the epitome of cinematic excess. The scale of the movie is incredible, as you would expect from a movie that features hundreds of competitors racing across one of the world's largest countries. The performances are wonderfully eccentric, the dialogue is quirky, the jokes are wild and always hilarious, and when it's over, it truly feels like you been taken on a huge road trip with the craziest bunch of folk. It's not so much of a film, more of an epic adventure, one I could enjoy every single day.

Jackie Brown

It's time to look at another film by Quentin Tarantino, but unlike last week's movie True Romance, he both writes and directs this one. It's his follows up to the renowned movies Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction, the twisting and turning crime drama Jackie Brown.

Released in 1997, Jackie Brown stars Samuel L. Jackson, Pam Grier, Robert Forster, Robert De Niro, Bridgett Fonda and Michael Keaton. Based on the novel Rum Punch by Elmore Leonard, the movie pays homage to 1970s Blaxsploitation films, though the film itself is not one of these. It involves a middle aged airline stewardess who smuggles money in from Mexico for a gun runner. It has everything Tarantino has become famous for. Intelligent dialogue, an intricate storyline, and some of cinemas most memorable and original characters.

The film opens with Jackie Brown (Grier), a flight attendant for a small Mexican airline. In order to make enough money to get by, she smuggles illicit cash on her routine flights for a Compton gun runner named Ordell Robbi (Jackson). Ordell lives in his house with Melanie (Fonda), and Louis (De Niro), a former cellmate who has recently been released from prison. Ordell's activities are being monitored by the ATF, who apprehend Jackie after she arrives in the USA with some of Ordell's money, and a bag of cocaine she was unaware was in her handbag.

                                                    Don't say one more f*cking word!

Worried that Jackie may snitch on him to avoid jail time (as a previous employee had done), Ordell bails her out with the help of Bondsman Max Cherry (Forster), whom Jackie becomes close to as the film progresses. Ordell plans to kill Jackie, but instead she comes up with a plan to get $500,000 of his money, enough for him to retire, while also pretending to help the ATP agents apprehend him. One of the agents, Ray (Keaton) formulates a plan with Jackie to put Ordell and his money together, completely unaware that Jackie has made her own plans for the cash.

From there, the movie unfolds into one of the smartest crime movies in history. You are kept guessing up to the very end. The movie's tagline is 'Who's playing who'. You never know which way it's going to go. Will the money go to the agents, to Jackie, to Ordell? Even when they are doing a trial run of the hand-off you can't be sure what is occurring. On top of that, you have performances that revitalized the acting careers of both Pam Grier and Robert Forster, and garnered 2 BAFTA nominations, 1 for Grier, and 1 for Jackson.

The movie contains some of my favourite Tarantino scenes, such as where Jackson and De Niro are watching 'Chicks With Guns', and where Jackson is convincing one of his soon-to-be victims to climb into the boot of his car. In all honesty, I prefer Pulp Fiction to Jackie Brown, mainly because of the characters and the story lines, but I still love this movie. It holds up in pretty much every area. I loved it when I first saw, and I still love it years later.

True Romance

Quentin Tarantino is, without doubt, one of histories most popular filmmakers.With movies such as Kill Bill, Reservoir Dogs, and my personal favourite, Pulp Fiction, Tarantino has built a solid film-making reputation. In the majority of his films, including the aforementioned ones, he both writes and directs. But in today's movie, he only carries 1 of those responsibilities, the screenplay, and does a terrific job. This is my review of True Romance.

Released in 1993 under the direction of Tony Scott (The younger brother of Ridley Scott), True Romance feature an ensemble cast including Christian Slater, Patricia Arquette, Gary Oldman, Michael Rapaport, Dennis Hopper and Bronson Pinchot among others. It follows 2 newlyweds travelling across America to sell a stolen drugs cache. It has Tarantino's trademark witty dialogue, combined with a great story, engaging characters and some great performances to make it one of the most original and enjoyable films in history.

The movie opens in Detroit, where movie buff and Elvis Presley idolizer Clarence (Slater) meets Alabama (Arquette) at a local cinema. After watching the film and having some pie, they go back to Clarence's apartment and sleep together. The next morning, Alabama reveals she is a call girl, hired as a present by Clarence's boss. However, she claims that she has fallen in love with him. He reciprocates, and the 2 of them get hitched.

Clarence takes it upon himself to break the news to Alabama's pimp Drexl (Oldman). In the ensuing confrontation, Clarence kills Drexl, one of his henchmen, and takes a bag he thinks belongs to Alabama, which turns out to be full of cocaine. Clarence visits his father Cliff (Hopper) to find out if he is implicated in Drexl's murder, and is informed that he is in the clear.

Clarence and Alabama set out for California to visit Clarence's close friend Dick (Rapaport). Clarence plans to sell the cocaine to a film producer using one of Dick's contacts, an actor named Elliot (Pinchot). The plan seems solid, but Elliot gets caught by the police with some of the coke. Afraid of the ramifications, Elliot makes a deal with 2 detectives to give them the parties involved in the deal in return for avoiding jail time.

This film itself is, like most Tarantino movies, not of a simple structure. It is multi-layered and intricate. It does, however, play in chronological order, unlike some of his most famous work. But unlike many movies that try hard to be complex, eg The Matrix, the movie is not hard to follow, and that makes it so much more enjoyable. You don't have to analyse it to the point that you get frustrated. As a result, we are allowed to enjoy all the twists and turns that lead to it's fitting and heart-warming climax. The star-studded cast are all great in their respective roles, and we are lucky enough to have a cameo from Christopher Walken, who is brilliant in anything he does. An awesome movie, no doubt about it.

Point Break

Opinion is very divided on the acting merits of Keanu Reeves. Some say he's a straight-up action star, others say he's dull, emotionless, and dismiss his as the next Kevin Costner. Myself, I think he's pretty good. Let's face it, there are far worse actors. But whatever you think about him, there's no doubt that The Matrix films are his biggest success, and anyone who has seen them knows that they are very confused, very contrived, but still a lot of fun. So if you're looking for a much simpler thrill starring Mr. Reeves, then look no further than today's movie, Point Break.

Directed by Kathryn Bigelow (The Oscar-winning Director of The Hurt Locker), Point Break was released in 1991, and starts Keanu Reeves, Patrick Swayze, Lori Petty and Gary Busey. A critical and commercial success, the movie follows the FBI's efforts to catch a group of bank robbers. In order to do this, Keanu Reeves has to learn how to surf. The result is one of the greatest action movies of the nineties, and one of the best in Reeves' repertoire.

The movie opens with Johnny Utah (Reeves), a new FBI recruit, who gets teamed up with veteran agent Angelo Pappas (Busey). They are tasked with apprehending a group of bank robbers known as the 'Ex-Presidents', so-called because they wear masks resembling 4 formers Presidents, Richard Nixon, Lyndon Johnson, Jimmy Carter and Ronald Regan. Pappas has noticed several significant things about them, such as the fact that they never rob the vault, and simply stick to the registers. His other discovery, or rather a theory, is that the 'Ex-Presidents' are actually surfers. To investigate this, Utah, with the help of surfer girl Tyler (Petty) , learns how to surf, and attempts to infiltrate the group in order to investigate them. The task proves to be more difficult than he first thought, due to him forming a complex friendship with the surf group's leader Bodhi (Swayze), and becoming emotionally involved with Tyler.

                                                                 We are not crooks!

Following up on a lead, Utah and Pappas conduct a raid on another surfer group, not only failing to find the guilty party, but also ruining a DEA undercover operation. With their attention turned back to Bodhi's crew, they notice Bohdi and Roach casing a bank, so they wait for them to make their move. When the 'Ex-Presidents' show up, Johnny chases Bodhi through the neighbourhood and over a fence into an aqueduct, causing an old knee injury to flare up. He pulls his gun on Bodhi, but is unable to pull the trigger. Anyone who has seen Hot Fuzz will immediately recognise this scene.

So that's the plot. Pretty straightforward and not especially original. It's a classic good-guy-befriends-bad-guy-and-has-to-make-a-heartfelt-choice flick. But it's all done in a very stylish and entertaining way, and we can see Bigelow's directing prowess that would eventually bag her an Oscar nearly 20 years later. There's great chemistry between Reeves and Swayze, and while the romance between Utah and Tyler is not especially developed, it weighs heavily on the later part of the story, and does make for a pretty epic climax. The final scene finishes the movie perfectly, bringing the complicated bond between our 2 main characters to a fitting conclusion. A superb end to a superb movie.

Human Traffic

If you mentioned John Simm to anyone who has heard of him, they will probably most closely associate him with Life On Mars. But over 10 years ago, after his 1995 movie breakout role in Boston Kickout, he starred in the 1999 independent cult movie hit Human Traffic, a film about, life, love, partying and heavy indulgence.

Written and directed by Justin Kerrigan, Human Traffic stars John Simm, Lorraine Pilkington, Shaun Parkes, Danny Dyer and Nicola Reynolds. The film revolves around 5 close friends as they enjoy a drink-and-drug-fuelled Friday night out in Cardiff. It explores the connections, relationships and conflicts that arise and develop over the course of the weekend. There's so many things to enjoy in this film, so let's not waste any time.

The start of the film introduces our central characters, and is narrated by Jip (Simm), the main character. He's depressed with his mundane, uneventful job, and the fact that he has had little sexual success as of late.
Koop (Parkes) is a record store retailer who is increasingly jealous of his promiscuous girlfriend Nina (Reynolds). She is annoyed because, after screwing up a college interview, she is forced to work in a fast food outlet where she is constantly harassed by her slimy boss.
Lulu (Pilkington) has become tired of relationships with men since the last 3 she dated cheated on her.
Moff (Dyer), the newest member of the group, lives at home with his oppressive dad, and makes money for the weekend by selling small amounts of cannabis.

The films follows their day-to-day lives, including Nina quitting her job, Lulu dumping her 3rd philandering boyfriend, Jip being approached by one of the women he 'failed to satisfy', Koop visiting his dad in a mental hospital, and Moff being hassled by his dad for being unemployed for such a long time.

When the weekend finally arrives, the group meet up in a nearby bar, bring Nina's brother Lee, so he can try Ecstasy for the first time. They head to a club called The Asylum, where they all 'drop' E, and enjoy the music. After the club, they all head to a massive house party, where events take an unusual and unfortunate turn after everyone is hit with a drug 'come down'.

This movie is like a journey, told through the eyes of an idealistic, fun-lover who just wants to go out with his friends and embrace the excess and exuberance of youth. It's a film that someone manages to encapsulate the spirit and feelings of an entire generation: Rebellion, alienation, angst, and the love of freedom and hedonism, kind of a like a movie rendition of 'The Catcher In The Rye'. We get such a great insight into the lives of these people, and how they just try to get a long and enjoy life, even when things never seem to be in their favour. On top of that, the movie has the music, the atmosphere, the vibe, all the elements that culminate in what 1 critic called "The last great film of the nineties".

Jumanji

Robin Williams is, undoubtedly, a great actor. Good Morning Vietnam, Good Will Hunting, Mrs. Doubtfire, all great films that showcased not only his comedic talent, but also allowed him, in certain scenes, to reveal his serious side, and connect emotionally with the audience. Well another classic film in which we get the Robin Williams Yin and Yang is his mid-nineties supernatural romp Jumanji.

Under the direction of Joe Johnston (Honey, I Shrunk The Kids, Captain America: The First Avenger), Jumanji was released in 1995 and was met with almost perfectly average reviews, but was a box office success. It stars, of course, Robin Williams, alongside, Bonnie Hunt, Kirsten Dunst and Bradley Pierce. The story follows a board game that has serious repercussions on the people who play it and the world around them. It's immersive, well-paced, has an authentic feel, and is a hell of a lot of fun.

The movie opens in 1869, where 2 boys bury a chest, hoping that no one will ever find it. But, would you believe it, exactly a hundred years later the chest is found by a young boy named Alan Parrish, the son of a shoe factory owner. Inside the chest he finds a board game called Jumanji, which he decides to play with his friend Sarah Whittle. They both notice the game's strange behaviour, such as the pieces moving on their own, and cryptic messages appearing after each turn. After Alan's turn, he is pulled into the game, and Sarah flees in terror.

26 years later, 2 kids called Judy (Dunst) and Peter (Pierce) and their Aunt Nora move into the Parrish house. Judy and Peter discover the Jumanji game in the attic and start playing, soon realizing that every move they make unleashes something dangerous into the world. When Peter rolls a 5, Alan is released form the board game, where he been trapped in the jungle for over 2 decades. According to the game, the only way to restore everything is by completing it. Alan is initially reluctant, but is eventually coaxed into co-operating. Unfortunately, 1 more player is required to finish it, Sarah Whittle. Upon seeing the game, she freaks out, stating that it pretty much destroyed her life. But eventually, the four of them unite to complete Jumanji. This leads to riots, monsoons, wild hunters, poisonous plants, killer spiders, crocodiles and earthquakes.

What a film! I don't think there is a single boring moment in it. It keeps you hooked from the opening scene, right up till its climax. With more and more terrors emerging from the game the action and suspence increases exponentially.

Robin Williams gives a great performance as the protagonist forced to confront his greatest fears, and Bonnie Hunt is a great supporting actress, having witnessed Alan being sucked into the game and being forced to complete it to make all the horrors go away. The kids Judy and Peter are great too, mainly because they don't whine and complain like most children do in films like this, and they play an intergral part in the story, they're not just there to look cute.

If, like me, you grew up in the nineties, you would almost certainly have seen this film. If not, you have to. It's funny, exciting, investing and is just as enjoyable every time you see it. Miss at your peril.

Idle Hands

I'm going to open this review with a question: Have you ever heard of Devon Sawa? Probably not. But have you ever seen him. Probably. He was the human form of Casper in the eponymous movie, Alex Browning in Final Destination, and played Stan in Eminem's music video of the same name. Yet in 1999, he appeared in one of his most famous roles, a film called Idle Hands, which almost nobody seemed to notice. Well, the truth it is, underrated films are often pretty damn good, and this one is no exception.

Directed by Rodman Flender (The Unborn), and starring Devo Sawa, Jessica Alba, Seth Green, Elden Hensen and Vivica A. Fox, Idle Hands tells the story of a teen whose right hand becomes possessed by a demon that forces him to kill as many people as possible, before dragging a soul down to Hell. But please don't let that morosity put you off, it's very tongue-in-cheek.

The story begins with Mr. and Mrs. Tobias, the parents of our main character, getting killed after seeing a message on their ceiling. We then meet our hero, Anton (Sawa), a lazy stoner who spends all of his time flunking out of school to smoke weed, watching TV and hanging out with his equally sedentary friends Pnub (Hensen) and Mick (Green). They inform Anton that several people have been murdered in the last few days, and that, coincidentally, Anton has not seen his parents recently. During this scene, he notices the girl who lives across from him, Molly (Alba), dropping her lyrics book, so he awkwardly tries to return it to her.

Upon discovering that his parents are dead, Anton also finds out that he is responsible, but before he can do anything about it, his right hand attacks and kills both Pnub & Mick. But they don't stay deceased for long, and come back as the undead, since they were too lazy to approach the white light at the end of the tunnel. No, that's no a joke, it's literally the explanation they give.

We then meet Debi LeCure (Fox), a priestess that has sworn to fight the evil that has apparently possessed Anton's hand. She tracks Anton down, and tells him exactly what has happened to him, and how little time they have to stop it.

                                                           One of those morning huh?

It's not what you'd call a spectacular movie, or even a great movie. It's a pretty rudimentary stoner comedy. I enjoy the funny twist they put on what other films would portray as a very serious supernatural phenomenon. It also has very lovable characters, especially our layabout hero, who tries so hard to have the most idyllic and eventless life that we can't bear to see him get up off the couch, let alone fight an evil, homicidal power.

One of the most surreal additions to the film is the school band who play at the Halloween dance, who just so happen to be The Offspring, one of my favourite bands. They play their own song 'Beheaded' and a cover of The Ramones song 'I Wanna Be Sedated'. Both great songs, but the best part comes when Anton interrupts their performance to warn everyone about the hand. Dexter, the bands lead singer, shoves him aside, recites a single line, then gets graphically scalped by the hand. It's a hilarious moment, just a shame that his 1 line is about as a hammy a recital as you would expect from a non-actor.

But I'm digressing. Idle Hands is a very enjoyable flick. Like any stone comedy, it's easy to watch, and easy to like. Nothing more, nothing less.

East Is East

Racial differences can be a very touchy subject, one that people tend to give a wide berth to. Today's film deals with this issue, an pulls it off in a light-hearted and funny yet also deep and often shocking manner. It's the BAFTA Award-winning movie East Is East.

Directed by Dominic O'Donnell (Heartlands, Inside I'm Dancing), East Is East tells the story of the Khan family, living in Salford in 1971. The family consists of a Pakistani father and an English mother, and their biracial children. The film follows the family as the contrasting ethnicities within the household cause increasing tension between family members, especially between the father and the others. The film stars Om Puri, Linda Bassett, Jimi Mistry, and Raji James amongst others. So let's see what this movie is all about.

The movie opens with the arranged marriage of George Khan's (Puri) eldest son Nazir, who appears uncomfortable with the set-up, and his father's insistence that he is proud of him adds further pressure. With the entire family dressed and prepared for the Muslim wedding, Nazir, unable to go through with the ceremony, runs away, much to the shame and embarrassment of his father, who swiftly disowns him.

Some time later, George is further distressed to find that Sajid, his youngest son, has not been circumcised, as is traditional in Muslim culture.  Not wanting to make a big fuss, Sajid's mother Ella (Bassett) agrees, simply to placate George. But afterwards, she wonders if she should have stood up for herself and the children, who often behave in a manner that George does not agree with. Examples include eating meat, not dressing conservatively and being reluctant to embrace Islam. Deciding that he needs to restore the families 'honour' after Nazir's departure, George meets up with a Muslim family in Bradford, and arranges for his eldest sons Abdul (Raji James) and Tariq (Jimi Mistry) to be wed. The boys are initially unaware of this, but find out later when Sajid overhears George telling Ella about the wedding  negotiations.

From here on, we see George becoming increasingly hostile and domineering as he feels that his family are turning against him. He threatens several of his children verbally, and even physically assaults his wife when she finally stands up to him.

Pretty grim huh? The film depicts how 2 essentially contrasting lifestyles have trouble co-existing under 1 roof. George is determined for his family to be raised under his religious beliefs, but Ella is unsupportive of this idea. She doesn't force her beliefs on the family, she simply wants what is best for her children, and doesn't think that George's oppressive ideology is healthy for their upbringing.

While the film is essentially very serious and relevant with regards to modern society, it has, as I mentioned earlier, some very funny moments, usually revolving around the witty quotes from the children. Even George draws out a smile now and then. What we get is an often facetious but also serious and gritty film dealing with a very real and ever-present issue. I actually found myself hating George at times, and feeling nought but empathy for his long-suffering family. If you get a chance to see it, don't pass it up.

Full Metal Jacket

The movie world has seen countless war films. Lawrence Of Arabia, The Bridge On The River Kwai, The Deer Hunter, Saving Private Ryan, all great films that defined the genre. They were everything a war films should be: Intense, emotional, powerful, and filled with great action scenes. While these are all important, 1 element that is rarely abundant in a war film is humour. But today's movie has more of it than every other war film combined; none other than Stanley Kubrick's Vietnam war saga Full Metal Jacket.

Released in 1987, Full Metal Jacket stars Matthew Modine, R. Lee Ermey, Arliss Howard and Vincent D'Onofrio. Filmed almost entirely in the suburbs of London, the movie follows the dehumanising process that turns men into emotionally removed killers, ready to be dispatched to Vietnam, and their subsequent exploits once they arrive, and are faced with the reality of combat. While it does cover a lot of issues of war such as tragedy, comradeship, moral dilemmas and so on, the reason this movie appeals to me is it's comedic side, let's find out why.

The film opens in the Parris Island Marine Corps. Recruit Depot, where we find a batch of new recruits about to begin their training. Their senior Drill Instructor Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (Ermey, a real-life Drill Instructor) wastes no time in laying into them, shouting insults, screaming commands and endowing them with nicknames, including 2 of our main characters Joker (Modine) and Cowboy (Howard). Hartman puts the recruits through their paces, using his acid-tongue to encourage them and ensure that nobody dares slip up. As his training regime intensifies, the strain begins to show for one of the neophytes, Leonard Lawrence, a.k.a Gomer Pyle (D'Onofrio), an overweight and mentally slow individual, who finds that he can't live up to Hartman's expectations.

Infuriated by Pyle's shortcomings, Hartman pushes Pyle harder and harder, and when he teams him with Joker, he seems to become a model Marine. But Joker believes that Pyle is actually a 'Section 8' ie, mentally defective.

After their training is completed, we cut to Vietnam, where Joker has become a combat correspondent for Star and Stripes, stationed in Da Nang. He and his associate Rafterman are dispatched to Phu Bai after the Tet Offensive, where he meets up with Cowboy, and becomes engaged in combat, witnessing the horrors of war first hand.

                                                     You will not laugh, you will not cry!

Now when I said this film is hilarious, I was actually referring to the first 40-odd minutes, when Hartman is toughening up the recruits. Undoubtedly, Hartman is one of cinemas all-time greatest characters. As I mentioned earlier, Ermey was a Drill Instructor during the Vietnam war, and as such, what we get is not a performance by an actor, but an authentic depiction from a real-life veteran. His performance is so intense, so edgy and yet so hysterical that I simply can't take my eyes off it. Roughly half of his dialogue is ad-libbed, and the rest of it he wrote himself, both extreme rarities for a Kubrick film.

His insults are hilarious, his timing is flawless, and his presence is spectacular. But after his time in the film is done, I'll be honest, I tend to lose interest. The rest of the movie isn't bad, but it just feels like a sub-standard war movie. It's like 2 movies, 1 comedy and 1 war film, spliced together. As a result, it feels quite disjointed. When watching the second half of the film, it's almost as if the first half never occurred at all, which is a real shame.

I won't lie and say that the second part of the movie isn't moving or even affecting, but when you compare it to other Vietnam movies such as Platoon and The Deer Hunter, it feels pretty below par. But the first 40 minutes are a laugh-riot, and leave me in stiches every time. It's a movie on it's own, and it never disappoints.

Plan 9 From Outer Space

And so we come to the final movie of So Bad It's Good September, and I have saved the, ahem, best, for last. My absolute favourite cult bad movie. From visionary director Ed Wood, the one and only Plan 9 From Outer Space.

This movie is often recognised as the worst film ever made. In fact several film authorities, including Golden Turkey Awards, named it as the worst movie of all time. Like Manos, the level of incompetence is just unreal. Wood was undoubtably passionate about the films he made, but the fact is, they were of such bad quality and stitched together so sloppily that all that ever resulted was a horrible and illogical mess. So let's finish off this special month by having a butchers at this timeless train wreck.

Released in 1959 and starring Gregory Walcott, Mona McKinnon, Tor Johnson and Vampira, Plan 9 revolves around an alien attempt to prevent mankind from creating an explosive device that would threaten the entire universe. It also marks the final on-screen appearance of Bela Lugosi, but a LOT more on that later.

Since this film's plot is so fragmented and uncohesive, it's difficult to summarise it here, but I'll give it my best shot. The film opens with 2 grave diggers being killed by the resurrected corpse of a recently deceased woman (Vampira). Meanwhile, Pilot Jeff Trent (Walcott) encounters a flying saucer in the skies above California. He describes it to his wife as being 'shaped like a huge cigar' (even though we clearly see it is round, like a SAUCER). Inspector Clay (Johnson) investigates the graveyard, and is also killed by the undead woman, and is himself brought back as a zombie.

We soon discover that the aliens have initiated 'Plan 9' which involves reanimating the bodies of the recently dead and marching them on the Earth's capital cities. Why? So the people of Earth will finally acknowledge the existence of extra-terrestrials. Yeah, because when I see Zombies, I think Aliens.

As far as the plot goes, that's all you need to know. The aliens want humans to believe they are real, so they take control of an army of Zombies (3 in total) and decide to set them loose on Earth's capital cities. But, in what may be the biggest disappointment in movie history, they never even make it out of the graveyard, let alone out of California. Tor and Vampira just wander around about 10 feet from their graves with expressionless faces. But despite this, everyone seems threatened by them. If any of the characters had the good sense to just stay away from the cemetery, almost all of the films problems would be solved.

                                                    Look mummy, it's a... flying pie tin?!

There are so many things to say about the films I have literally no idea where to start. I hinted earlier about the dubious nature of Bela Lugosi's turn in the film, so I guess I'll start with that. Wood loved Lugosi, and was keen to have him in this flick. Unfortunately, Lugosi died shortly after filming began. Instead of doing what any sensible Director would do and just write him out of the movie, Wood decided to keep him in. He used the very limited footage he already had, as well as recycled footage of Lugosi from the abandoned film 'Tomb Of The Vampire', which, by the way, is repeated about 6 times for no reason whatsoever. With Lugosi gone, Wood hired a replacement, his current wife's chiropractor, a man who in no way resembled Bela. In order to 'disguise' this fact, he held his cape over the lower half of his face. As if this wasn't funny enough, DVD distributors would later release the movie with the words 'Almost Starring Bela Lugosi' on the cover.

On top of that, the special effects are beyond terrible. The UFOs are kids toys suspended by fishing lines, and stock footage is rife throughout the movie. Some scenes were shot with backgound lighting and others without, but sometimes these are put together, making it seem like the time of day is changing repeatedly during a single scene.

But many claim that its the dialogue is where the movie really falls flat. It's bizarre, disjointed, and at times inconsistent. The opening narration highlights this within 60 seconds. The narrator uses phrases such as 'future events such as these' and 'what happened on that fateful day', describing future events in past tense. He also refers to the audience as 'my friends' 4 times in the space of a minute.

And finally we have the issue that Ed Wood became synonymous with, continuity. There's no doubt the man was passionate about movies, he was famous for it. He was also famous for using the first take. This leads to boom mike shadows, characters knocking over props, items changing/appearing/disappearing between shots, characters missing cues, the list is quite simply endless.

Many would say that Plan 9 is the epitome of Wood's enthusiastic ineptitude, and while this may be true, many people, including myself, would say that the film is far too amusing to be deemed 'bad'. In fact, this movie is side-splittingly funny. Absolutely nothing is done well, or even half-well. Direction, editing, dialogue, effects, acting ad infinitum. I couldn't possibly list all the ways this movie makes an idiot of itself, I have other reviews to write. But the truth is, I laughed at this movie more than I've laughed at a lot of comedies, intentionally funny movies. Plan 9 From Outer Space is a catastrophe, a bottomless pit of cinematic shame. But as a piece of art that we can enjoy, it gets me every time.

Verdict: So Bad It's Good? Yes

So I hope you enjoyed 'So Bad It's Good September'. Normal service will be resumed next week.

Manos: The Hands Of Fate

For several years (several decades actually) there was a movie which sat proudly at the top of the IMDB Bottom 100 list. A film so utterly egregious that it was ignored by the box office, plummeted into obscurity, and since being brought back to the public eye, has been dubbed by many as the worst film ever made. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, Manos: The Hands Of Fate.

The story behind today's movie came about when a man named Stirling Silliphant made a bet with another man named Harold P. Warren that he couldn't make an entire movie on his own. Warren, a Fertilizer Salesman from Texas, having no previous experience in cinema, accepted the bet, and set about writing the script, obtaining the equipment and gathering together a cast of amateurs to cobble together Manos: The Hands Of Fate, released in 1966. Back then it was cast aside as a waste of celluloid, today, it is regarded as a cornerstone of pure artistic failure.

As is standard for cinematic travesties, the plot is as thin and unimaginative as they come. A family of 3, Mike (Warren), his wife Margaret (Diane Mahree) and daughter Debbie (Jackney Neyman Jones) are lost on the way to a lodge where they are planning to spend their first family vacation. After driving around for literally 10 minutes of film time, they come across a house in the middle of nowhere, guarded by a guy named Torgo, who carries a large stick and shakes constantly like he has Parkinsons Syndrome. He tells the family that he guards the place 'while The Master is away'. Instead of leaving like reasonable human beings, they decied to stay the night, where a myriad of unusal events take place.

Hello darling!

That's the story in a nutshell. They come across a creepy manor, a creepy guy, a creepy dog, another creepy guy, and some creepy stuff happens. So that must mean this is a seriously creepy film right? Wrong. I've never seen a horror movie that was so unscary. There is no suspence, no haunting atmopshere, and no scares or shocks. For a film billed as 'It's shocking, it's beyond your imagination' it's a complete letdown. Warren handled the directing, the screenplay, the producing and was the main star, and as you would expect, he made a comlete hash of the lot. Allegedly, he would get so stroppy on set and had such a prima donna attitude that cast and crew and crew stared calling the film 'Mangos: The Cans Of Fruit' behind his back.

This movie is basically a comprehensive guide on how NOT to make a movie. The incompotence levels are just off the chart. The camera Warren used couldn't record sound so it had to be added afterwards, with the dialogue being recorded by only 3 people, so when there are several actors on screen, it can be difficult to work out who is talking. John Reynolds, the actor who played Torgo, wore metal rigging on his legs in order to appear like a Satyr, but he wore them backwards, making his performance extremely awkward, not to mention painful. On top of all that, the night scenes were actually filmed at night, without any lighting equipment, so almost nothing can be seen; and Warren clearly didn't appreciate the beauty of the word 'Cut', because a handful of scenes go on, and on, and on, and on. They feel like they are never going to end, which wouldn't be so bad if they actually accomplished anything. But no, they are a complete waste of time and energy.

The list of how this movie fails is pretty much endless, but I really needn't say anymore. Of all the films I have ever seen, this is probably the worst. I've seen films I've hated more. Maybe they were stupider, more boring, more annoying etc, but in terms of quality of filmaking, this is the all-time low.

Verdict: So Bad It's Good? No

The Room

Next on the So Bad It's Good September list is the 2003 independent disaster The Room. Like all the films I will review this month, The Room has a devoted following, is a cult classic in many people's eyes, and just like Troll 2, the main focus of this bizarre adoration belongs primarily with the acting. Once again, it contains no professional actors, just randoms who, you guessed it, can't act to save themselves. But many other elements make up this, uh, masterpiece, so let's have a look.

If you can believe it, The Room's Director, Writer, Producer, and main star are all the same person: Tommy Wiseau. So when it comes to someone to blame for this film, it rests solely on this man; someone whose acting has been described as being like 'Borat doing an impression of Chris Walken playing a mental patient.' Harsh, but VERY fair.

With an independent injection of $5 million, the film was met with scolding disparagements, with the plot, characters, editing, direction, screenplay and in the particular, the acting, being called on. Wiseau has stated that the movie was intended to be a black comedy, and as such, the irregularities are intentional. But members of the cast and crew have debated this, saying it was supposed to be a romance. Whatever it was supposed to be, it failed. Big time.

The film takes places in San Francisco, where our main character Johnny (Wiseau) lives an idyllic life as a successful banker, engaged to a beautiful woman named Lisa (Juliette Danielle). Unfortunately, we discover that Lisa has grown tired of Johnny, labelling him as 'boring'. So in order to spice up her life, she begins an affair with Johnny's best friend Mark (Greg Sestero).

Believe it or not but the above paragraph pretty much sums up the entire plot. It's so basic and rudimentary you wouldn't believe that you could churn out so much protracted and superfluous nonsense from it. Plenty of things happen in the film of course, but one of the flaws that the film was called on by audiences was just how many utterly unnecessary scenes the film contains. When I first watched it I found myself asking, everytime a scene ended, "What was the point of that?" The answer, of course, is none.

                                                       "You are tearin' me apar Liza!"

The film is roughly an hour and a half long, and maybe only 20 minutes of that is dedicated to the central storyline, which is weak at best. The rest seems to be exaggerated filler. For example, in one of the many scenes where Lisa talks (pointlessly) with her mother, she is informed that her mother has been diagnosed with breast cancer. This notably serious piece of information is casually dismissed, and never brought up again. In another scene, Denny, a friend of Johnny and Lisa (yet another pointless addition) is confronted by a drug dealer he owes money too. Afterwards, this issue is never revisited, and no mention of Denny's drug taking occurs before or after this event.

But, as I mentioned earlier, it's not the plot that makes this movie so infamous. Oh no, that distinction belongs to the acting. Whoever told the people in this movie that they could act really need to reduce the dosage. Hammy and wooden don't even begin to describe it. The characters exude as much emotion as a Kevin Costner waxwork. Wiseau himself has become almost idolised for his appalling acting. Just type 'Oh hi Mark' into YouTube and you'll see exactly what I mean.

I could ramble on and on about how ways this movie falls flat on it's face. Acting, screenplay, editing, continuity, directing, the list just goes on. But unlike Troll 2, it does actually work on a certain level. The Room is undeniably fascinating. How is it possible that someone could make a film so lame, so utterly wretched, and yet so interesting and engaging? It's the kind of movie that could become the subject of a University Degree. It should be studied, analysed, dissected and microscopically examined. The Room is a bad film, but it gives you an experience you will never, ever forget.

Verdict: So Bad It's Good? Yes

Troll 2

This month I'd like to do something special. We've all heard of the expression 'So bad, it's good'. In film terms, it refers to a movie that is so poorly made and/or executed that it actually becomes amusing, in that you laugh at how terribly put-together it is. Well this month is going to be 'So Bad It's Good September', as we look at 4 of the most famous fantastically abysmal films, starting with the 1990 'Horror Movie' Troll 2

Directed by Claudio Fragasso (under the pseudonom Drake Floyd), Troll 2 was originally titled 'Goblins', but was renamed in an apparent attempt to cash-in on the movie Troll, which was, itself, a critical flop. On top of that, the writers, Floyd and Rossella Drudi, were not fluent in English, but despite this, they insisted that the actors read the resultantly bizarre dialogue verbatim. So, we're off to a good start.

The plot, as you may have guessed, is dumb. And I don't just mean basically stupid, I mean unbelievably ridiculous. The film follows the Waits family; Mum, Dad, daughter Holly and son Joshua, as they take a summer vacation to a town called Nilbog (Goblin spelled backwards, this film's idea of a twist). Joining them are Holly's boyfriend Elliot and his friends Brent, Arnold and Drew. I haven't included the names of any cast members, as none of the 'stars' of the film were professional actors, though some did go on to achieve success in other areas, but more of that later.

The family arrive in Nilbog, where they find a meal laid out for them. Seemingly unconcerned that the food is covered in an undetermined green slime, they prepare to tuck in. At this point, Grandpa Seth (a deceased member of the family, whom only Joshua can see) appears, and tells Josh that if anyone eats the food, they will be turned in vegetables and eaten by the locals. That's right, the movie's antagonists are vegetarian Goblins. Do you feel the sheer terror creeping up your spine? I sure hope not.

So how does Joshua stop his family from being turned into cabbages? He urinates on the food! No, I'm not kidding.

Meanwhile, Arnold's friends, who incidentally have NOTHING to do with the central plot, or any other plot for that matter, are camped out in an RV on the outskirts of town. While having a smoke, Arnold sees a blonde woman running through the forest in panic. After tackling her to the ground like a reasonable, compassionate human being, the 2 of them come face-to-face with the Goblins. In all honesty, the only thing I found interesting about this film is how in God's name you could possibly find them scary. Every one of them looks like the butchered love-child of an Orc and a bag of potatoes, and worst of all, every time we see them, they are in broad daylight. No build-up, no great reveal, no suspense at all.

One of the Goblins lobs a spear at Arnold, forcing him and the unnamed blonde to seek medical help. Eventually coming across what looks like Willy Wonka's Cathedral, they come across Creedence, local mad-woman and contender for world's greatest scenery chewer. Informing them there is no hospital in the area, she offers them some of her homemade 'remedies'. They both drink (despite the blonde not being injured). She turns into a melting cucumber, he becomes stuck to the ground. What follows is the infamous 'Oh My God' Internet meme, which has chalked up over 3 million hits on Youtube.

                                                        Possibly the best death ever!!

There's not much else I want to say about the plot, or lack of it. I don't imagine many of you have ever seen the film, and those of you who haven't probably never will. All I'll say about the rest of the film is that it contains a few death scenes involving chainsaws, sandwiches and popcorn. Again, I'm not kidding.

This movie is dreadful, pure and simple. It commits every single sin in the cinematic Bible. Bad direction, absurd plot, laughable dialogue, terrible acting, crap special effects, awful music, abysmal editing, and a plethora of entirely redundant scenes. For me, these faults add together to spawn the movies most resounding flaw: It's soooo boring. Everything about this movie is protracted and completely uninteresting. None of the characters or story lines are engaging, and therefore there is no reason to care about any of them. It just drags from one tooth-grindingly inane scene to the next.

Troll 2 has legions of fans who praise it's almost inspiring badness, but I certainly am not one of them.

Verdict: So Bad Its Good? No

Sin City

Continuing with comic book movies, this week's film is based on Frank's Millers graphic novel series from the mid to early nineties. This is Sin City.

Directed by Robert Rodriguez (From Dusk Till Dawn, The Faculty) and Frank Miller, (who has a cameo in the film) Sin City was released in 2005 to critical and commercial success, with praise being directed mainly towards the films unique visual style. It features an ensemble cast including Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, Jessica Alba, Benico Del Torro, and many others. The film is based in the eponymous city, and follows several story arcs (all based on Miller's comics) which often intertwine. What results is a slickly directed, well acted piece of neo-noir brilliance. To make everything easier to follow, I'll break up the review, & look at each storyline separately.

The Customer Is Always Right

The film opens with The Salesman (Josh Harnett) offering a woman (The Customer) a cigarette outside a party. He offers to save her from her life, and after sharing a kiss, he shoots her. Pretty brief huh?

That Yellow Bastard

Police Officer John Hartigan (Willis) is out to stop a little girl called Nancy from being violated by a serial child-killer called Junior (Nick Stahl). Unfortunately, the killer's father is a powerful US Senator that has most of the police force on his payroll. After finding and wounding Junior, Hartigan is double-crossed by his partner, who is also being payed off by the Senator. Hartigan is badly wounded, but is happy since Nancy is safe, he happily passes out.

The Hard Goodbye

An unpleasant looking misanthrope named Marv (Rourke) wakes after a drunken one night stand, and finds that his partner Goldie has been murdered, and sets out to avenge her death. The police soon arrive, but Marv escapes before they can arrest him, and begins searching the city, looking for clues as to who killed Goldie and why. He interrogates hitmen, casino workers and even a corrupt priest (Miller's cameo) who reveals that the Rourke family, which includes the Senator that payed off Hartigan's unit, is responsible. Marv continues his quest to find Goldie's murderer, progressively killing his way to the truth.

The Big Fat Kill

Shellie (Brittany Murphy) is harassed by old flame Jack Rafferty (Del Toro), who has shown up at her apartment drunk. Dwight (Clive Owen), Shellie's new boyfriend, confronts Jack, sending him off in a rage to Old Town, an area where the law is dispensed by prostitutes. When Jack makes the mistake of threatening one of them, he and his friends are killed. Unfortunately Dwight and the hookers discover, much to their disdain, that Jack was a much-loved police hero, and that if his death is discovered, the cops would move in on Old Town, and the prostitutes' lives would be ruined.

Do I have something on me?

Naturally I haven't described what happened at the end of each scenario, as I try to include as few spoilers as possible in these reviews. Needless to say, all the scenarios hold up well, and on the occasions when they crossover, it's always works to the films advantage. This film has a lot going on, what with having numerous story lines, but at no time does it feel overwhelming. The pacing is perfect, and the stories are straightforward enough to enjoy, but also complex enough to be engaging. The all-star cast turn in great performances as their respective characters. My personal favourite is Marv. I think it's something to do with the fact that, for all intensive purposes, he is a very unpleasant character, but the narrative and the stunning performance from Rourke actually make us feel sorry for him. We feel his pain, his despair, and we want him to avenge his fallen lover. For me, this is just the scenario that sticks out, but I love all of them, and put together, they add up to one hell of a movie.

The Crow

It seems comic book movies are all the rage nowadays. Superman, Spiderman, Batman, Ironman, The Green Lantern, all of which have been made into successful film. But back in 1994, a lesser-known comic book series was turned in to a film, and a very good one at that; The Crow.

The movie is directed by Alex Proyas (I, Robot) and stars Brandon Lee in his tragic final role, Ernie Hudson, Michael Wincott and Rochelle Davis. It is set in Detroit, on October 30th, over 2 subsequent years, and involves a man who is brought back from the dead in order to avenge the death of himself and his fiancé. It's stylish, atmospheric, and full of kick-ass action scenes.

On the day before Halloween, know as Devil's Night, Eric Draven (Lee) a musician, and his fiancé Shelly Webster are brutally murdered by a group of thugs. The scene is investigated by Sergeant Albrect (Hudson). He comes across a girl called Sarah (David), whom Eric and Shelly used to care for, due to her mother being a negligent drug addict.

1 year later, Eric is brought back to life as a crow taps on his gravestone. He returns to his former apartment, and is haunted by flashbacks of his and his fiancés murder. Eric discovers that he is now physically indestructible, as any mortal wounds he sustains heal immediately. He then dresses entirely in black, paints his face to resemble a harlequin mask, and sets out seeking retribution under the watchful eye of the enigmatic crow.

The crow leads Eric to the gang members who were responsible for the grisly murders, and kills them one by one. During one of these revenge killings, he finds that the gang member is taking morphine with Sarah's mum Darla. After killing the thug, he convinces Darla to quit taking drugs, and she attempts to become a better mother.

Eventually, after eliminating all of the thugs, Eric goes after the leader of the gang, the man who actually orchestrated the murders, Top Dollar (Wincott), him being the last person he needs to kill before his vengeance is complete.

Generally speaking, if you mention this movie to anyone that knows anything about it, they will no doubt bring up the on-set demise of Brandon Lee. During filming, dummy rounds were used in used in an earlier scenes, and one became stuck in one of the guns. In Lee's final scene, this dummy round was forced out of the gun when fired, and lodged in Lee's spine. If you watch the scene you can actually see the moment when the bullet strikes him.

While marred by the death of it's star, The Crow is still a great film, truly fantastic. It has that dark, Gothic atmosphere that Tim Burton has practically made his career out of. It feels like you are truly in a dystopian metropolis at the height of its decadence. The fight scenes are spectacular, the methods by which Eric kills the gang members are often downright inspired, and Lee completely embodies the undead rockstar persona: The look, the mannerisms, even the way he moves. Allegedly, Lee was so excited to play the part because he was interested in how a deadman would actually behave. No one can really be sure, but Lee makes an admirable effort, and certainly ends his career with a bang; no pun intended.

The Mask Of Zorro

Don't you just love swashbuckling movies? The Count Of Monte Cristo, The Three Musketeers, the Pirates Of The Caribbean movies, they're just awesome. Sword-fights are so much more engaging than gunfights, and bring us closer to the action. So today I'm going to look at a one of my favourite swashbucklers, The Mask Of Zorro.

Released in 1998 under the direction of Martin Campbell (Vertical Limit, Edge Of Darkness), the movie stars Anthony Hopkins, Antonio Banderas, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Stuart Wilson. Based on the character created by Johnston McCulley, The Mask Of Zorro tells the story of a masked vigilante who fights against the oppressive Spanish Government during their occupation of California. It's well-paced, well-developed and it's fun, fun fun.

The movie opens in 1821, during the Mexican War Of Independence, where Zorro (Hopkins) is fighting for the people of California, which is under Spanish rule. He threatens Don Rafael Montero (Wilson), the corrupt Governor of the region, and warns him not to return. Later that day, Montero discovers that Zorro is in fact Diego De La Vega, a local nobleman, and arrests him at his home. In the ensuing fight, Vega's wife Esperanza is killed. Montero takes Elena, Vega's daughter, and imprisons Vega, telling him he wants him to suffer for the rest of his life.

20 years later, Montero returns from Spain with a grown-up Elena (Zeta-Jones), with big plan's for California. His returns quickly gets the attention of Vega, who has spent 20 years languishing in prison. He breaks out of jail, intent on finding out Montero's plans, while preparing to exact his revenge. Unable to do this himself, due to 2 decades of incarceration, he takes on a protégé, Alejandro Murrieta (Bandreas). Alejandro has recently lost his brother at the hands of Montero's right-hand man Captain Love, and so has the right motivation to help Zorro in his quest for vengeance.

                                   I will eat your live with some fava beans, and a nice Chianti.

With his training and tutelage, Vega turns Alejandro into the next Zorro, but is angered at his vanity and quest for fame and recognition. Despite their differences, they work on discovering Montero's plan, and it turns out that Montero is scheming to buy California from General Santa Anna with gold he is digging from the General's own land.

From then on, we get Vega and Alejandro fighting for both their own retribution, and for the freedom of their people. As a result, we get chases on horseback, explosions, high-flying stunts, epic rivalries, and of course, one-on-ones. Put together, we get one of the best action films I have ever seen. It's just such a joy to watch. The characters, the story and the way it progresses, the antagonism between our heroes and their adversaries, and the kick-ass action scenes. Movies that are this enjoyable don't come along very often, so when they do, we have to savour them as much as possible. While the sequel, The Legend Of Zorro, is still pretty good, it has nothing on it's predecessor; a great action movie, plain and simple.

There's Something About Mary

Today's movie is what's known as a 'Sleeper Hit'. A movie that, unexpectedly, achieves high levels of recognition. Films like Caddyshack, The Big Lebowski, and even The Shawshank Redemption, one of the world's most renowned films. Today's film takes it's place among these classics, and that film is There's Something About Mary.

Directed by the Farrelly brothers (Dumb & Dumber, Me, Myself & Irene) and released in 1998, There's Something About Mary stars Ben Stiller, Cameron Diaz, Matt Dillion, Chris Elliott & Chris Evans. On a budget of just over $20 million, it grossed nearly $370 million worldwide, making it the highest grossing comedy, and 4th highest grossing film of the year. Not to mention it turned Stiller and Diaz into overnight stars, with the latter receiving over 10 award nominations. The film follows the escapades of 4 guys who all fall in love with a woman named Mary, and the profound impact this has on their lives. It's one of the funniest, sharpest, quirkiest, and somehow most touching gross-out movies ever conceived.

The movie begins with our main character, Ted Stroehmann (Stiller), a shy and awkward Rhode Island school kid. With the prom soon approaching, Ted finds himself taking his dream girl, Mary Jensen (Diaz). Unfortunately, after a slight 'malfunction' with his zipper, Ted is rushed off to hospital, and Mary disappears from his life.

13 years later, Ted finds he still can't get Mary out of his head, so his best friend Dom (Elliot) suggests a Claims Investigator from his firm called Pat Healy (Dillon), who could track her down. Accepting the challenge, Healy discovers Mary working in Miami as an Orthopaedic Surgeon. Keeping a close eye on her, Healy, like Ted, falls for Mary. In order to win her affections he resorts to numerous deceitful tactics, such as claiming to be an Architect, and claiming to have visited Nepal. Unfortunately one of Mary's close friends, Tucker, also a liar, exposes Healy, as he himself has also fallen for Mary.

                                                                               Ouch!

Mary and Ted meet up for the first time in over a decade, and begin to bond. Unfortunately, both Healy and Tucker want him out of the picture, as does somebody else, yet another sucker for Mary.

This concept of many guys falling for the same girl could have been done do badly, with nothing but toilet humour and tasteless, unrelenting sex jokes, but this movie handles the subject matter incredibly well. Nothing is over-done, no jokes are stretched out like in a bad Family Guy episode. The set ups and pay offs are just hysterical. The situations, while a little unbelievable, are unforgettable, and the interactions of the characters, especially when in Mary's presence, is just golden.

This is, put simply, a comedy formula that works. Everything about it works. There are no real weak links. It still holds up, remaining one of cinemas finest, and most endearing comic achievements.